Driving home the other day Als das Kind Kind war popped into my head. For a second I didn't remember what it was from. It's from Wings of Desire which was once my favorite film (may still be, but I haven't seen it in 20 years, probably). I looked it up when I got up home and found this translation. So beautiful.

Bruno Ganz - Lied vom kindsein


When the child was a child
It walked with its arms swinging,
wanted the brook to be a river,
the river to be a torrent,
and this puddle to be the sea.

When the child was a child,
it didn't know that it was a child,
everything was soulful,
and all souls were one.

When the child was a child,
it had no opinion about anything,
had no habits,
it often sat cross-legged,
took off running,
had a cowlick in its hair,
and made no faces when photographed.

When the child was a child,
It was the time for these questions:
Why am I me, and why not you?
Why am I here, and why not there?
When did time begin, and where does space end?
Is life under the sun not just a dream?
Is what I see and hear and smell
not just an illusion of a world before the world?
Given the facts of evil and people.
does evil really exist?
How can it be that I, who I am,
didn't exist before I came to be,
and that, someday, I, who I am,
will no longer be who I am?

When the child was a child,
It choked on spinach, on peas, on rice pudding,
and on steamed cauliflower,
and eats all of those now, and not just because it has to.

When the child was a child,
it awoke once in a strange bed,
and now does so again and again.
Many people, then, seemed beautiful,
and now only a few do, by sheer luck.

It had visualized a clear image of Paradise,
and now can at most guess,
could not conceive of nothingness,
and shudders today at the thought.

When the child was a child,
It played with enthusiasm,
and, now, has just as much excitement as then,
but only when it concerns its work.

When the child was a child,
It was enough for it to eat an apple, … bread,
And so it is even now.

When the child was a child,
Berries filled its hand as only berries do,
and do even now,
Fresh walnuts made its tongue raw,
and do even now,
it had, on every mountaintop,
the longing for a higher mountain yet,
and in every city,
the longing for an even greater city,
and that is still so,
It reached for cherries in topmost branches of trees
with an elation it still has today,
has a shyness in front of strangers,
and has that even now.
It awaited the first snow,
And waits that way even now.

When the child was a child,
It threw a stick like a lance against a tree,
And it quivers there still today.

- Peter Handke, Song of Childhood

This picture of Barry makes me very happy!

I'm surprised how good I've felt since election night. It just feels like all this negative energy is just gone (I don't mean that in a new agey way, but whatever). It's nice that it's over and done. And I'm happy for Obama and his family. I thought Obama's speech was great. My favorite part of the night was watching Michelle and the two girls skip off the stage.

It's been over three months now since Chris died. Off and on I've wanted to write about him, but it's hard to find the right words. But, even if I get the words all wrong I think it's still important to try. I think about him almost every day, but most of the time it's still not real to me that he's gone.

I was at the gym on the day that it had been three months since his death and in the middle of lifting a weight, the thought that Chris isn't here just hit me hard and I almost started crying right there. I don't have the same darkness or fog about it that I did in the first few weeks, but I still find myself thinking about him and feeling sad at odd moments.

I hear stuff all the time that makes me think of him. On NPR, an author was talking about her mother who had died and the "mystery of absence". How can she have been here and now she's not? How could Chris have been here and now he's not? At church, I was reading a visiting teaching message about understanding that you are a child of God and treating your body like a temple and I just started crying. It was a message I've heard literally hundreds of times before and was never moved by. But looking at it through the lens of suicide put a terribly different spin on the words. I listened to an interview with David Foster Wallace (an author who recently killed himself) and thought of Chris and thought of Wallace's family. David and I watched a Woody Allen movie where one of the characters says, "I want to want to live." I want Chris to want to live. But the decision is already made.

What's strange is that I'll think about him in terms of how we could still help him. What could made a difference. It's a hard thing to let go even though it's so pointless.

Sometimes I think about the peace that I felt at the prospect of dying. How grateful I felt for my life. How 28 years felt like a huge gift. And it almost makes me feel a little better, that maybe that was the kind of peace that Chris had come to. Except, I got to live 10 more years. I don't know what Chris would have done with 10 more years, but I don't know how he could regret living them.

I do hope Chris has peace now. I think he must have peace now, but it is at such a terrible cost.

For the last couple of Fridays when I go to the gym instead of stretching, lifting, and then running, I just stretch and run (and stretch again - stretching is my new favorite. I used to hate it because I'm not very flexible, but that seems silly now. Who am I trying to impress when I'm stretching? You can't win stretching).

Today I ran six miles. In 59 minutes. And it felt incredible. When I was done, I felt like I could've kept going, but I've only been running four or five miles at a time and I didn't want to overdo it. While I was running, I realized why the mom of the Masche sextuplets trained for and ran a marathon around the babies' first birthday. You can literally run away from stress.

When my older girls were babies, I didn't start working out seriously until they were 18 months old. Thinking about that makes me wonder what my rush was to get back into it with these babies. And, why I'm working so much harder than I usually do.

1) After the babies were born I felt terrible. I was stooped over and literally couldn't get myself to stand up straight. My back hurt, my ribs hurt, and I felt weak. I was lucky enough to lose the baby weight quickly (but it was lucky like it's lucky to get food poisoning or a tape worm - after you're better the weight loss feels like a bonus but in the moment you just want to feel good).

2) I NEEDED to do something for myself that had nothing to do with babies or work and working out was the only thing I felt like I could do without feeling guilty.

What I didn't know is what a great stress reducer it would be.

The first time I started running regularly was a little over 20 years ago. My favorite album to run to was Sinead O'Connor's Lion and the Cobra. I put it on my ipod shuffle a few months ago and I run to it almost every day. It's good to feel as good as I did 20 years ago. Better, actually. Because I'm not running away from my angst about my freshman boyfriend!

I'm not sure what my point is. I just feel good about getting stronger and faster and that I can be in this place right now. As crazy and busy as my life is, I'm happy. And, I'm glad I can run.

she called up
And gave me the news
It made me so sad, sad, sad
There was nothing I could do
- crowded house

I've got this energy beneath my feet
like something underground's gonna come up and carry me,
I've got this sentimental heart that beats
but I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me now
- the killers

Stop! in the name of love
Before you break my heart
Think it over
-the supremes

The babies were 11 months old yesterday and I will write my monthly post about them sometime next week, but I don't feel right about not writing about the sad news we got last month. There's a lot of stuff I don't write about here now, but it seems right to write about Chris.

I've known Chris since 1990 - almost as long as I've known David. He's been David's friend since high school and I'm lucky to say that he was my friend, too. He killed himself last month and the news was devastating and just so strange for me.

26 days ago our friend Chris was alive and making his classic jokes. For 25 days, those of us who knew him have lived with the fact that he is gone. He is gone and he shouldn't be.

I still haven't processed what's happened. I don't know if I will. Part of what makes it bearable is that it's still not really real. Because he wasn't part of our day-to-day lives, we can forget just a little how much we have lost.

The first week after he died was painfully slow for me, but life has gotten back to normal. I cried about him this morning a little, but it was the first time in a while. Life goes on because it has to go on and that's how it should be. But, things will never be exactly the same. His death broke my heart in a way that won't ever be totally healed.

The days that go by without Chris are going to pile up and turn into years and decades. I'm thankful that I will get to wake up and see those days pass. I wish Chris still could. I wish he had wanted to.

I wrote out some advice on triplet advice board, and thought I'd put it here too:

Advice
Read these forums, read triplet blogs, read books on parenting multiples (when you are pregnant this is a good time, you will have A LOT less time when the babies are here), but don't feel you have to follow everyone's advice. Take what works for your family and leave the rest.

Pregnancy
Now is the time to take things very easy, eat a lot, relax and sleep as much as you can. Do not feel guilty about it and don't worry about your weight. Losing it should be easier than you think (for me, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight two weeks post-partum - way faster than I was with my two older girls) and if it's not, deal with that later. Right now you need to give your babies as much time in the womb as possible and as much weight on their bodies as you can. Everything else is secondary. Being pregnant with triplets is painful, boring, stressful, and scary. You only have so much control over what will happen, but take control over the things you can (that's pretty much your activity level and what you eat).

Recovery
Recovery is tough. Take things slowly and ask for help. You'll feel like you have a million things to do, but concentrate on yourself and the babies. Let the other stuff go - because that is plenty!

Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding preemies is very different from breastfeeding full term babies. Preemies don't often get it right away and it may take longer for your milk to come in. When you are in the hospital, put your babies to the breast every three hours and pump every three hours. Pumping hurts so use Lansinoh cream - it made a huge difference for me. When I was in the hospital, I was tired and I was overwhelmed and I was tempted to just scrap it, but I'm glad I didn't.Take advantage of the lactation consultants (they are a huge help in getting the babies to latch on correctly and teaching tandem nursing). I had some nurses who assumed that because I had triplets I was not breastfeeding and some who thought if I was breastfeeding the babies shouldn't get a bottle and it was frustrating. I had one great nurse who was wonderful about bringing the babies to me every three hours and by the time we came home, the two that were coming home with me had it down. My guy in the NICU only got to try once a day, but he did get the hang of it.

The biggest mistake I think I made was not pumping after the first month. I really didn't like doing it, it was inconvenient, and it seemed easier to nurse a baby than to pump. For the first four months, about 1/3 of the babies' diet was breastmilk. I think I could've increased that if I had been pumping. Around four months, all three of my babies started to resist nursing and by seven months they were completely done. I wonder now if I had pumped, if I could have kept them going a little longer. I know I could have at least provided more breastmilk in a bottle if I had. While I would recommend pumping, I think it's more important to give yourself a break and not feel guilty about things that don't work. If breastfeeding isn't something you want to try or you just feel like it's one more thing on your plate, it's okay.

The first weeks home
This is the hardest time and it will pass before you know. But when you are in the middle of sleep deprivation, trying to establish schedules, and taking care of three babies whose needs are all over the map, the best you can do is take it one day at a time. We had live-in help (my mom) for the first 6 weeks and if you can arrange for something like that, do it.

Don't worry about the babies waking each other up. If they are always in the same room, they'll get used to each other and they won't wake each other up. At least not much.

Don't forget to take pictures and video. Our first video of the babies wasn't until they were 6 weeks old. We do have plenty of photos from that time, but were just too busy surviving to even think about taking videos. I wish we had.

Don't forget yourself: take the time to eat and take the time to go to the bathroom. It sounds silly, but you get so busy that you will forget to do these things. I got a UTI when the babies were just 4 or 5 weeks old and it was not fun. You'll be a better parent if you take care of yourself, too.

Schedules: Naps and Night time
The few triplet parents we spoke to (and the advice in the books and the boards) said that getting the babies on the same schedule was the trick. I absolutely agree, but those first four weeks, I just thought HOW? The babies slept at random times and I just didn't see a schedule taking shape even though we would wake the babies at the same time. All I can say is, it will come. Just be patient.

Start as you plan to go (if you don't plan to have three 2-year-olds in your bed, don't bring three newborns in your bed) but you can make exceptions in the first month. Whatever you can do to get a little extra sleep, do. For us, that often meant going to sleep with a baby on our chest. But, that didn't last long (and I definitely wouldn't make a habit out of that sort of thing).

When the babies are still needing to be fed every 3-4 hours, sleep in shifts. My husband slept from 8pm - 3am and I slept from 3 am - 8 am (I got to sleep longer on the weekends, but I had to get up with our older girls). You need to get at least 4-5 hours of sleep a night or you won't be able to think straight and sleep deprivation (even with getting 4+ hours a sleep a night) just makes everything harder.

If you can afford it, hire someone to help at night. We didn't do this, but if you can find someone you are comfortable with I think it would be a wonderful idea. You only need someone to do this a few times a week (even once a week would be great) and only for 3-4 months and it will give you a much needed break. If you can't, consider giving each other a full night sleep from time to time. It's worth a whole night of being on with the babies to get a full night's sleep yourself.

If you can afford it, hire a cleaning service. If you can't, do what needs to be done and try to relax about the rest.

Once they are starting to sleep a little longer at night, put the babies in their own room. It might even be a good idea to start out with the babies in their own room. For us, it worked to have them in our room at first. We moved them into their own room at 8 weeks, but I'd probably do it at 4 or 5 weeks. You won't be waking up at every little noise they make and you'll sleep better.

For scheduling, I recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and Babywise. If you can, read them while you are pregnant because you won't have time to read it when you really need the information. If your babies are already here, the advice in a nutshell, is: put your babies down for nap after they have been awake for 1-2 hours. (For us, they are up one hour before the morning nap and then two hours before the second nap and two hours before the third nap, and one-two hours before bedtime). Babywise is written by the parent of triplets and they have a whole chapter on multiples.

Some books will tell you to stagger schedules so each baby gets one-on-one time. That will just leave you exhausted. It is nice to get a little one-on-one time, but to get a break and actually be able to get things done, the best advice is to get them sleeping at the same time.

Good sleep helps create more good sleep. When your babies have good naps, they'll sleep better at night.

Earlier bedtimes (6:30-7pm) encourages longer sleeping at night. Don't put them to bed late hoping they'll sleep later. It seems like that should work, but it doesn't. Don't wait until they are overtired to put them to sleep. They will cry a little when you first establishing routines, but they will cry so much less in the long run. How much to let your baby cry is a personal choice. I never let my two singletons cry it out, but with triplets, I knew that I needed to help them become self-soothers. I think because we started early, they never cried for very long. With my other two, when they cried I heard a sad baby and a baby who wanted her mom and dad. Now, I hear a baby who is tired and needs to sleep. That said, I do go into my babies and hold them if they are crying hard or their cry sounds different from the normal tired cry.

Babysitters
For the first three months, we would ask a mom who had a daughter who was babysitting age to babysit and that worked wonderfully. After the babies had a set bedtime and were sleeping well (around 3 1/2 months), we started hiring one babysitter to come after the babies had gone to bed.

Older siblings
Babysitters and Bedtimes. It gives you time with the older children and keeps your life from disintegrating into total chaos.

Exercise
Don't worry about this for the first few months - or until you are feeling strong enough. But, once you are feeling up to it, take time to exercise. It will help you feel better and sleep better. If you can, get a gym membership with good daycare, or have someone watch your babies while you go to the gym, or do a DVD while the babies nap, or just take the babies out for walks every day. Start slow and be easy on yourself, but make yourself and your health a priority.

Misc Tips
Create your own blackout curtains (I bought this white blackout fabric at Joann's http://www.joann.com/joann/catalog.jsp?CATID=cat3217&PRODID=prd31268 when it was on sale). We have them in our babies room and in our room. You don't want the sun waking up your babies or you when sleep is hard to come by! I sewed the fabric to the back of our curtains in our bedroom and just made curtains with the actual fabric in our babies' room.

Don't feel the need to buy everything now. You'll want some diapers, onesies, sleepers, burp cloths, and blankets. And, I would recommend three boppies. Those were a life saver for feeding all the babies by yourself. For diapers, I recommend Pampers for the preemie size and Pampers or Luvs for Newborn size. For some reason, Huggies are terrible for preemie and newborn size (we love them for the larger sizes, though).

Take time to enjoy your babies! They really grow so fast and won't be this little or this helpless for long.

If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.
Ernest Hemingway
to a friend, 1950

I haven't read much that isn't baby or triplet related since I found out I was having triplets. My reading time has gone way down. When I was pregnant, I was either too sick or too stressed to even concentrate and now I'm too busy, too stressed, or I just haven't had the time to get to the library.

The books I did read while I was on bedrest were: The Blood of Others by Simone de Beauvoir, The Sun also Rises by Hemingway, Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky, The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald, and I was about 1/3 into All the King's Men by Robert Penn Warren when the babies were born. David's reading it now, so I'll finish it when he's done.

The Blood of Others was one of my favorite books in college. I read it multiple times. I enjoyed re-reading it, but it was very different than I remembered it. The writing was self-indulgent and the characters kind of annoying. The ideas behind the plot were interesting, but the main character is almost paralyzed by his fear of interfering with someone else's life and it wasn't believable. Like, get over yourself. The idea of whose blood do you spill and whose do you save is an interesting and even powerful concept, and I found it thought-provoking in terms of war (it's placed in Paris before and during WWII), but in terms of relationships, it was crazy. You don't spend your life with someone out of pity, and you don't spurn someone to stay uninvolved. You love who you love. At least when you are young and unattached and deciding those things. I thought it was interesting too, that her lead male character was so complex and her lead female character was so two-dimensional. I know the idea was that the girl grew and changed and became more than she was, but you don't really see it until she is on her deathbed (that's not a spoiler because she is on her deathbed on page 1 and the rest of the book is written in flashbacks).

The Sun also Rises was a fabulous re-read. I've read this book at least three times before. I completely enjoyed it, but I felt differently about the characters this time around too. I was never rooting for Brett and Jake to get together. The whole book came together for me more this time, seeing Brett with the right eyes. She was beautiful, but weak and selfish and the ending was right.

I remember Crime and Punishment as a quick and interesting read. It was interesting again, but it was also painful, like a gruesome car wreck that you do not want to look at. Good, but I don't think I will re-read it again for awhile.

The Great Gatsby was the best of my re-reads. It was wonderfully written and the characters were as I remembered them and it was more interesting than I remembered. (I'm starting to run out of steam with writing this, but I want to at least get down my general impressions).

I won't write about All the King's Men until I actually finish it, but so far, so good. It was the only book in the house that I picked up during my pregnancy that I hadn't read before.

A few weeks ago, I finished A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway and the book was a feast. He writes about living in Paris with his new wife and young baby. He tells about his friendships with Gertrude Stein (which was very interesting for me as an art history major) and F. Scott Fitzgerald. The details were fascinating and left me wanting more information. It's funny because I felt like I was dipped back into Paris in the 20's and there's this mental setup I do in my mind when I read a book about the 20's that has just a little to do with what the author is actually writing, but I think was shaped in the first place by Hemingway and Fitzgerald.

The book is nonfiction, kind of. Hemingways says in the preface: "If the reader prefers, this book may be regarded as fiction." I don't know what that means, but I imagine it's due to the fact that he finished the book in 1960 but wrote out scenes with full dialogue and some of that had to be re-created in a way that is not exact.

The book has a sad ending because he tells how he he had an affair with another woman and hints at the end of his marriage and his regret is palpable. I've read most of Hemingway's fiction, but I've never been that interested in his real life. The fact that he destroyed his first marriage and that he died of a suicide just seemed so sad and so real to me, I cried when I put the book down.

Right after I wrote last time I told myself that I should start writing once a week. It doesn't take very long and every time I write , it's a little memory that won't get lost. Everything just gets so busy, it's hard not to just say tomorrow.

The last two months have been especially crazy with work and I feel like I just don't stop until the babies are in bed. In fact, I have felt the least busy when they are awake. I'm just feeding, burping, changing, and playing with them. And that's busy, but it's fun busy. Working like I'm trying to beat the clock and getting stressed about how long it takes me to get in and get out of the grocery store is just busy busy.

These last two weeks have been better. My life feels like it's more in balance (see my title: did anyone else see this movie in the 80s?). Because :

1) I think because work feels better. Part of that is that I have actually gotten stuff done and am sort of caught up. But, more than that, I have decided to work for < -- this long -- > and then I'm done regardless of whether I'm done. Because it's starting to feel like a bottomless pit and I think in some ways it is. There will always be something I could do and I just need to decide what has to be done today and leave it at that.

B) I have been taking the time to work out. I'm basically just as busy - I'm just replacing work time with working out... but it feels better. Way better. When I'm at the gym I can totally relax. It's good for me and I feel better physically and mentally. When I don't work out, my goals for the day look like this:

take care of babies
work
work out
feed the family
spend time with the older girls
pick up the house
relax
get in touch with my good friend tv

Having something go undone like that day after day is annoying.

III) I'm not trying to cram everything into the babies' naps. If I need to go to the store or the post office or whatever, I will do it while the babies are awake and David can take care of them. I was trying to just do everything that wasn't baby-related during their naps and there simply isn't enough time. Also, if I need to catch up on extra work, if it's a good time for David, I'll do it while the babies are awake. It's much less stressful.

Having triplets is pretty hectic, but it's so much fun. Trying to make everything else work is the problem. But, I'm getting a little closer to figuring this stuff out.

I don't read much anymore. Nighttime used to be my time to read, but with this pregnancy it's my time to feel queasy and tired. In January I read Anne of Green Gables (at Grace's recommendation) and enjoyed it. I'm sure I would have loved it as a kid. I read Anne Tyler's Celestial Navigation and it was very good, but it took a little to get into it (everything and everyone was so musty and off, it just bothered me) and I was very dissatisfied with the ending. When I was first pregnant (but didn't know it yet), I read The Birthdays by Heidi Pitlor. It's a book about three siblings. The oldest son is dealing with his conflicting emotions about his wife's pregnancy (he is paralyzed and the wife was inseminated by a donor), the next oldest son's wife is pregnant with twins after IVF, and the youngest sister is pregnant but doesn't know who the father is. It was a good book, but not great. Each of the characters were very real, but flawed to the point where they were never very likeable.

After I found out I was pregnant with triplets, I read I Sleep at Red Lights by Bruce Stockler. It was a funny, enjoyable book about having triplets. I also read When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads, which has proven to be a useful resource.

My latest read was Raising Multiple Birth Children and I enjoyed it, but it gave me much more of a sense of panic. Most of the book portrays life with triplets as insanely hectic and outrageously hard. I'm not saying that I think it won't be, but I'm looking for tips on how to reduce that, not a medal for what I'm going to go through. There was this attitude of look how hard I have it as a parent. I understand that to a point (get together with any group of mothers and eventually you'll hear all the horror stories about their labors - you go through something like that, you want to talk about it). But, frankly, I'm kind of tired of the whole idea that parenting is some sort of a competition.

One quote that really bothered me was "I laugh when I see those singleton parents who look like sleep-deprived marathon runners with one child in their grocery cart." Excuse me? How can this person assume her life as a triplet mother is always harder? She doesn't know anything about that "singleton" parent. Maybe she has four more kids at home. Maybe her baby has colic. Maybe she is totally sleep-deprived.

They also made a big deal about the fact that people will tell you that they have an idea of what you're going through because they had three little ones in diapers, but "it's not the same". Sure, it's not the same, but it's close. And, for many, maybe even harder. My sister-in-law at one point had a two year old, a one year old, and a newborn. That's beyond tough. My hairdresser (and my good blogging friend, Jen) had a young toddler and newborn twins. I think that could be harder than triplets, because one is mobile. They are in different stages, which would be really hard.

And, all babies are different. If I have three babies like Lillie (she was always very content and slept through the night at just a few months old) it will be very different from three babies like Grace (she cried a lot, didn't sleep through the night consistently until she was two, and I walked her for miles and miles).

I guess we're all just trying to make sense of the world. But, I'm tired of adults trying to one-up each other with their stuff and their hardships and their choices. I suppose all I can do is try not to fall into that myself. Talk to me in five months, I guess.

Baby A = GIRL!
Baby B = BOY!
Baby C = BOY!

We're so excited we were able to find out! It's nice to be able to narrow down all the name possibilities a little bit. And, it makes everything seem a little more real.

I've got sick kids, so I can't write more.

(At 12 weeks, 3 days)
Baby A: 6.04 cm
Baby B: 5.83 cm
Baby C: 6.54 cm

The girls are calling Baby C Chancho because s/he's the biggest. They were calling him Chancho when he was a millimeter bigger, though. It's fun to say Chancho.

Things are going well. I have had some pretty bad days with throwing up, but Zofran works for that. I'm tired of eating all the time, but there's nothing I can do about that. It is what it is. I've gained 15 pounds already. Usually at this point I've lost weight, but for a triplet pregnancy it's very good to have gained the weight. I'll probably put on another 40-50 pounds. David's hoping I pass him up, so I'll weigh more than him. I'm not so anxious for that day, but I do want each of the babies to be a healthy weight.

I'm still in a bit of shock about three babies. I'm not quite sure how it's all going to work out, but it will. (Right?)

alternate titles for this post:
how many?
triple trouble
three! (and the more sedate: three)
2+3=5
crazy/awesome
very, very, very pregnant
three times the fun

Our girls didn't have much of a response when we told them I was pregnant. They weren't upset or anything, it was just "Okay". A good okay, I think, but just okay.

When we came back from our first ultrasound and showed them the pictures and had them guess how many babies there were, that's when their faces lit up and they properly freaked out. Three heartbeats. Three babies. Triplets.

We've seen them two more times since then and they are all growing well and looking like very small humans. Big heads, little hands, all of that. It's amazing. And a little insane.

I don't quite know how it's all going to work out, but we are thrilled (and overwhelmed, too). Hopefully I will feel well enough to share the ride.

So, about six weeks ago I took a home pregnancy test. As soon as I had taken it, I regretted it. I've had nothing but negatives from those things in the last two years, and I just wasn't sure I was ready for another negative. I mean, if I wasn't pregnant, finding out is obviously inevitable, but I just didn't want to deal with that negative right then.

I went and unloaded the dishwasher. My hands were shaky and the dishes were clattering. The timer went off and I knew it was time to face whatever the truth was. Or probably was. David came out of the bathroom holding the test, looking confused, asking what this meant. I thought for sure he was looking at a negative and that's why he wasn't sure. But as soon as I looked at the test, I saw it. A positive. "I'm pregnant!" I couldn't believe it.

I still can't believe it.

This pregnancy has been very different from my other two. I plan to blog more about it all, I just haven't felt well enough to do much of anything. Luckily, I'm not throwing up very much. Which is awesome. No hyperemesis this time. But, I do feel nauseated and tired and hungry pretty almost constantly. When that lifts (hopefully) in the next few weeks, I plan to get back into blogging mode.

We'll see.

Ed Helms is now a regular on the Office. I was wondering what happened to Andy. I Googled it and found out that on a producer's cut he was sent to anger management. Awesome. I hope he's back soon.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
by Mark Haddon

This will not be a funny book. I cannot tell jokes because I do not understand them.

I missed this book in the last post. This was a wonderful read. The story is told by an autistic 15 year old, Christopher. It's start out with the murder of his neighbor's dog. Christopher decides to solve the mystery. In the process we learn about his mixed up family and his odd, sweet world. The book is quirky and funny and sad. I highly recommend it.