Marge: Oh, it's so cozy.
Velma: You're insincere. I like that.

Prison Boss: No listening! You hear me?
Homer: Uh... no?

Lisa: Yeah, well, no offense, but maybe I need a little more instruction than just "tappa-tappa-tappa".
Little Vicki: Why, back when I was your age, I had 43 movies under my belt, and I had to do it without tappa-tappa-tappa. I would've killed for tappa-tappa-tappa.

Little Vicki: Self-tapping shoes? I'm ever so pissed!

Lisa: Dad, we're the MTV generation. We feel neither highs nor lows.
Homer: Really? What's that like?
Bart and Lisa: meh.

Homer: So you think you know better than this family, eh? Well as long as you're in my house you'll do what I do and believe what I believe! So butter your bacon!
Bart: Yes father.
Homer: ... Bacon up that sausage, boy!
Bart: But dad, my heart hurts!

Homer: [reading Ned Flanders' letter] You are my brother.
[Homer, Lisa, and Bart giggle]
Homer: I love you.
[Homer, Lisa, and Bart laugh]
Homer: And yet, I feel a great sadness... in my bosom.
[Homer, Lisa, and Bart laugh uproariously]
Marge: I think that's terrible! A man opens his heart to you and you make fun of him!

Legs: Johnny Tightlips, where'd they hit ya?
Johnny Tightlips: I ain't sayin' nothin'.
Legs: But what'll I tell the doctor?
Johnny Tightlips: Tell him to suck a lemon.

Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, get a divorce.
Marge: But Reverend, isn't divorce a sin?
Reverend Lovejoy: [holding up a Bible] Have you ever read this thing? Everything's a sin. Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.

Native girl: Mr Homer, there are so many religions in the world-which is the correct one?
Homer: Well, I'm not sure...it's definitely not the Unitarians though...if it's them I'll eat my hat! Next question."

Homer: HELP ME JEBUS!

Dentist: Lisa, so you won't be scared, I'll show you some of the tools I'll be using. This is the scraper, this is the poker, and this happy little fellow is called the gouger. Now the first thing I'll be doing is chiseling some teeth out of your jawbone. Hold still while I gas you.

Grandpa Simpson: I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and weird. It'll happen to YOU.

Carl: If I didn't have inner peace, I'd completely go psycho on all you guys, all the time.