The other day I was in church and a mom was talking to her one year old. "You're not choosing the right. No, no. That's not choosing the right. We have to choose the right. You're not choosing the right. Choose the right."

This is a classic example of self-conscious public parenting. This one year old probably doesn't have any idea what choosing the right means. I'm pretty sure that mom doesn't talk that way to her at home.

There are different types of public parenting. The first type is trying to show you what a good parent they are. "I love you so much. You are such a cutie. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. You are." With the sappy voice and the sidelong glances my way. (Without the sidelong glances, this can simply be parental affection. I'm fine with that).

Then, there's the type that's disciplining for my sake. Even though it appears they are talking to their kid, they are really talking to me. "You've never done this before. I don't understand why you aren't sitting still like you always do. You are usually such a happy little camper."

Then, there's the type that is just talking to me through their child. Nothing they are saying is actually directed at their kid. "I'm not buying these cookies for me. They're for you. Mommy can't have them because mommy. on. a. diet."

Have you run into these people? Is their whole life one big imaginary audience? I don't get it.