I made a comment on the angry mormon's blog that the "church just isn't the end-all for me and I don't expect it to be... crazy enough, once I stopped caring about if it was "true" or not, it's become more meaningful for me."

Stephen responded that "the Church is only there to support you, you aren't on this earth to support it."

I appreciated the comment. My parents taught me that my purpose was to support the Kingdom of God. You never said no to a church calling, all the workings of the church were divinely inspired, and the church and the Kingdom of God were one and the same. Having that kind of black and white outlook was great as a kid. I felt very safe, very sure, and knew just what was expected of me. It blew my mind a little bit that I was lucky enough to have been born into the "one and only true church".

The first crack in that kind of thinking was when my seminary teacher was arrested. I loved his lessons, he was always entertaining and he made me think. I remember one lesson in particular that he gave about lust, that Christ taught that it was a sin to even lust in our hearts even if we don't act on it. Later, we found out that he had been abusing his daughters and he was tried and sent to prison.

To my thinking then, it wasn't possible that the bishop wouldn't have been able to look into this man's eyes and discern his sin. That was when I first realized it doesn't work that way.

It makes sense to me now that it doesn't work that way. God doesn't give us all the answers. He doesn't make everything clear. I don't think this world (for me, anyway) is about knowing. It's about going on faith. And, faith isn't about knowledge or surety, it's about believing and hope.

I have belief and hope in my church now. The more important issue is my belief and hope in God, but I do feel the church brings me closer to Him. Even in its imperfection. And, of course it's imperfect, because people are imperfect.

Coming to terms with all of this led me back to church and I'm glad to be here. It isn't the same to me as it was when I was younger, but it doesn't need to be.

11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

1 Corinthians 13:11-13