I came across a blog last week that gave advice for having a better marriage and I was thinking about it during my run today. They were recommending stuff like change where you sit during mealtimes and switch up your chores. Okay. My advice would run differently than stuff that sounds like get-to-know-you games.

Before the babies were born, I felt like being married was easy. It wasn't something that we had to work at. David is funny and sweet and interesting and easy to be with. He still is, but the stress of taking care of triplets does take it toll. Before babies, I would've said the secrets to a happy marriage are: don't take each other for granted, don't fight, and get on the same page as far as finances. Now I have a longer list:

1) Don't take each other for granted.
This still goes at the top of the list. Say thank you (literally say it) and recognize all the things the other person does. When you have stresses come up in life (and even when you don't), it's good to feel appreciated.

2) Be kind. Look at situations from the other person's point of view.
Easier said than done sometimes, but I know when I'm upset with David about something if I imagine the roles reversed it always helps. I can look at things more objectively and we can talk things out more rationally.

3) Don't fight. Don't say mean things. If you do, don't waste time stewing. Apologize.
We've been great about not fighting since we were first married. Because David hates it. I've had to learn to bite my tongue and if anyone trips up on this, it's me. But it's a great way to be. I think the rest is self-explanatory.

4) Take care of yourself.
Eat right and exercise. Get enough sleep. Take time for yourself every day. When you feel good, you are less likely to be irritable and moody and it's easier to be patient. Stress can make it easy to turn to crap food, but it's just counter-productive. Feeling guilty about not doing this stuff is counter-productive, too. Make a reasonable plan that fits your life and do the best you can.

5) Feed your kids well. Make sure they get enough sleep.
If your kids are eating real food every day and getting good sleep, they'll be less cranky and easier to care for.

6) People are more important than money.
Get out of debt. Have a budget. Make a plan. Get in sync about what you want to spend your money on and what you want to save your money for.

7) Talk
Take the time to talk to each other. About the future, about what's out of balance in your lives, about where you want to be, but also about politics and jokes and stupid stuff.

8) Bedtimes and Babysitters
Giving kids (especially little kids) an early bedtime is a great way to make sure they get enough sleep and that you get enough time with each other. Getting regular babysitters gives you another way to reconnect.

Well, that list seemed a lot more interesting during my run, but there it is.