scribble

32 months and something

2010-05-20T13:43:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with the triplets, I would look for triplet blogs. I found some great ones, but at some point, you've read all the archives and there's no new material. Because the person writing the blog has triplets. I keep meaning to start this up again. For a while, I thought I would write a post officially signing off. But, I also intended to start writing stuff down in my journal. And it hasn't happened. Not even once. So, I'm going to try to do this again (I hope). Just once a month. Just to not lose so many memories.

Britta is talking a lot and no longer takes her nap. She can open our child-proof drawers and cabinets (and last month she got out a pair of scissors and cut off her bangs!). She can get out of her crib, but after a few nights of putting her back in (and putting her back in and putting her back in) she will now stay in her crib at night. In the morning she gets out on her own and comes into our room. She's very stubborn and independent and amazing.

Drake isn't talking much. In fact, he's talking less than he was a few months ago. So, we're trying to give him more one-on-one time and work with him on it more. His favorite thing to do is stand on his head. In his crib, on a wall, on the couch, by the fireplace. He's still the one that wants me the most, but he's happier and more mild these days. If he likes something, he'll put it in his crib. He gets quite a collection going some days.

Jack is still smilin' Jack.He's happy and sweet and starting to talk more and more. When we are out in public he can get kind of crazy. Loud and running all over the place and getting into everything. His diet was about 75% milk and I was worried about that. One day he just stopped drinking milk and now I worry about that. He's the biggest, but he'll let the other two push him around. He's very sweet and has an amazing laugh.

Two years!

2009-10-07T13:24:00.000-07:00

They'll be 25 months old in almost two days, but I thought I'd just post a photo of the little guys.

They are doing wonderfully. And, they are waking up. Ahh... so I'll try to post a post another day.

Sugar: The Bitter Truth

2009-10-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

I just watched this and loved it. It's long, but important. If you are interested and want more information, I recommend "Good Calories, Bad Calories" by Gary Taubes and "The Primal Blueprint" by Mark Sisson or check out MarksDailyApple.com. I went off grains and sugar (except on weekends) two months ago and have never felt better.

22 months

2009-07-17T12:32:00.000-07:00

The little guys are doing great! They are in such a fun phase right now. Their favorite thing to do is play outside. They are happy to just move around woodchips with their little buckets and shovels and run around in the backyard. They are talking more and more. Drake has the least words, but he talks the most (lots of gibberish and hand gestures).

They also love to play in water (we have a little plastic pool) and read books. Their favorite books are Goodnight Gorilla and Dear Zoo. They are at that stage where they love to read the same book over and over. It's a lot of reading! They love to play in their little pop-up tent that looks like a fire engine and with their Tonka dump truck.

They've learned to say their prayers in the last few months and it is so adorable. Jack was the first and he just folds his little arms across his chest off to one side. Drake does now, too, but when he first started he would carefully place his little hands on either side of his face. Britta likes to put her hands on her tummy. When we say "amen" they are all so pleased with themselves that they burst into applause after each prayer. It's amazingly cute.

Luckily, they all love to take baths now. In April I figured out how to give them all three a bath by myself (basically, I tried it and it worked - but the trick at the time was getting Drake in and out first and then letting him play outside the tub while the other two played - because he would just scream the whole time he was in). April 30th was the first time Drake took a bath without crying and screaming (hurray!) and now he happily takes a bath with the other two. He'll even pour water over his head for fun.

Going out to eat has gotten more hectic and we have had a few tantrums which are tough to deal with, but I really feel like we are in a great stage right now with them. I love that they are able to communicate with us better. And, I feel like I get the right amount of time with each one where I can hold them and pay attention to them.

Around 18 months we had some issues with the boys hitting (well, Jack hitting and Drake grabbing the other two by the collar and pulling them down - usually to get something away from them), but we were quick to stop them and give them firm no's and we did a few time outs. They seemed a little young for it at the time, but it seems to have worked. I can't remember the last time they hit each other (none of my kids have been inclined toward biting, thankfully). They are all very considerate and kind to each other. Whenever they share or give something to each other, we try to do a lot of positive reinforcement and make a big deal out of it ("Britta's so nice! Yaay!"). Jack is the one who seems the most naturally inclined to sharing (if Britta or Drake is sad, he'll be the first to try to give them a bottle or toy to try to make them happy), but they all do it. I thought have three the same age would make sharing harder, but they seem to be learning to do it because have a lot of practice!

We took our first family vacation with them last month and it was pretty hard. It was totally worth the trip and definitely fun to see family and friends and the babies actually did really well on the planes and in the car, but I think we were just gone too long (11 days) and it's just that much more tiring to take care of them all day long without being at home.

I've liked looking back on our schedules in the past, so I'm going to end with our typical schedule at 22 months:

7 pm - 8 am: sleep

8 am: bottle, change diapers, play (we often go directly outside), breakfast

9:30 am: play more or go for a walk

11:30 am: lunch

12:00 pm: small bottle, watch TV, change diapers

12:30- 2:30 or 3 pm: nap

3 pm: change diapers, snack and play (this is the time we'll take them to the store or to a park)

5 pm: dinner

5:30-6:30 pm: play, take a bath (not daily, but pretty often)

6:30 pm: bedtime bottle, change diapers

7:00 pm: bedtime

20 months

2009-05-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

Something about 20 months sounds so much closer to being two than 19 months did. I still feel amazed that we are doing this and actually doing a pretty job by the kids. They are all happy and healthy and just, you know, OKAY.

Britta is still just into everything. She can climb into her high chair now. She loves to climb on everything. She's so smart. She will get her shoes if it's time to go. She'll get the boys' shoes, too. She'll try to help with changing diapers. She says bye-bye, more, scooter, dada, mama, shoes.

Drake loves to talk gibberish. He is a sweet thoughtful boy. He's a little on the serious side. He says bye bye, more, mama, and scooter.

Jack is funny. He is so big and happy and interested in other people. He's always cracking us up. He says uh oh, bye bye, more, scooter, dada.

At the gym yesterday I saw two different moms with twins and I felt this odd pang of jealousy. I say odd because if I'm going to feel jealous, doesn't it make more sense to be jealous of someone with only one child? Both of those moms were by themselves and neither seemed particular out of sorts, but I know they were feeling a little more stressed out because they had two babies to care for.

Ah, the world of multiples is a tough one. It's hard to try to convey it. I know when I was pregnant I just couldn't really imagine how it was all going to work. Once the babies are here, I just had to jump in and do it, but the doing is harder than you can really put into words. I'm thankful we are past the midnight feedings and the burping and the spitting up and the constant work of it. 20 months feels like a pretty good place.

staying happy

2009-05-08T12:16:00.000-07:00

I came across a blog last week that gave advice for having a better marriage and I was thinking about it during my run today. They were recommending stuff like change where you sit during mealtimes and switch up your chores. Okay. My advice would run differently than stuff that sounds like get-to-know-you games.

Before the babies were born, I felt like being married was easy. It wasn't something that we had to work at. David is funny and sweet and interesting and easy to be with. He still is, but the stress of taking care of triplets does take it toll. Before babies, I would've said the secrets to a happy marriage are: don't take each other for granted, don't fight, and get on the same page as far as finances. Now I have a longer list:

1) Don't take each other for granted.
This still goes at the top of the list. Say thank you (literally say it) and recognize all the things the other person does. When you have stresses come up in life (and even when you don't), it's good to feel appreciated.

2) Be kind. Look at situations from the other person's point of view.
Easier said than done sometimes, but I know when I'm upset with David about something if I imagine the roles reversed it always helps. I can look at things more objectively and we can talk things out more rationally.

3) Don't fight. Don't say mean things. If you do, don't waste time stewing. Apologize.
We've been great about not fighting since we were first married. Because David hates it. I've had to learn to bite my tongue and if anyone trips up on this, it's me. But it's a great way to be. I think the rest is self-explanatory.

4) Take care of yourself.
Eat right and exercise. Get enough sleep. Take time for yourself every day. When you feel good, you are less likely to be irritable and moody and it's easier to be patient. Stress can make it easy to turn to crap food, but it's just counter-productive. Feeling guilty about not doing this stuff is counter-productive, too. Make a reasonable plan that fits your life and do the best you can.

5) Feed your kids well. Make sure they get enough sleep.
If your kids are eating real food every day and getting good sleep, they'll be less cranky and easier to care for.

6) People are more important than money.
Get out of debt. Have a budget. Make a plan. Get in sync about what you want to spend your money on and what you want to save your money for.

7) Talk
Take the time to talk to each other. About the future, about what's out of balance in your lives, about where you want to be, but also about politics and jokes and stupid stuff.

8) Bedtimes and Babysitters
Giving kids (especially little kids) an early bedtime is a great way to make sure they get enough sleep and that you get enough time with each other. Getting regular babysitters gives you another way to reconnect.

Well, that list seemed a lot more interesting during my run, but there it is.

18 months

2009-03-29T11:56:00.000-07:00

It's harder and harder to get a decent photo of the three of them together, because they are always taking off in three different directions. I only picked this one because Jack looks so happy!

The babies are at a great phase right now. Today, this minute, they are sick which is not so great (although they are also sleeping - any sickness where they don't lose their nap is not so bad). They are just busy as anything and some days their 7 pm bedtime is the thing that gets me through. But, they are also learning to talk and imitating us and it's all just so much fun.

My favorite time of the day is when I take them upstairs for playtime in the morning. They can all climb now and I love watching all three of them climb the stairs by themselves. They are just so darn cute, but also capable and independent.

My favorite thing about them right now is they are all very good about sharing. Not that they don't fight over toys - boy howdy they can get upset about wanting things and snatch them away from each other like you wouldn't believe. But, they will share and they are often very caring towards each other. If one is crying, another will bring them a toy or a blanket to help out. I didn't expect that so soon and I love it.

Jack is the one that is the talking the most and trying out words the most. That surprises me because Britta has been first at almost everything else so far. The word they all use the most is "oooh" as in "Scooter" and they call every dog they see "oooh ooooh". Britta uses anything and everything as a purse. If it has some sort of a handle, she'll loop it over her arm and walk around. So girly and sweet. Drake is the dancer. They all love music and they all love to dance, but Drake really gets into it. He loves cords and phones, too.

All watching TV and looking a little glazed over

They are just starting to watch TV. Jack is definitely the most interested. They don't stay interested for a whole episode (which is good), but it's funny to be heading back to the Sesame Street and Barney phase.

They went to nursery at church for the first time a few weeks ago and things went about as expected (I haven't left them yet - I want them to be comfortable with the place first). Britta was off and about and exploring and didn't look twice at us. Jack was off and about and exploring and checked back from time to time. Drake stayed by my side the whole time and got upset a few times. Last week, I left for the last hour and David stayed and they all did fine. I think that Drake will be a little sad no matter when we decide to make the break, but I also think he'll figure out that it's okay.

I love that it's getting warm outside and we can take them out more. They really love just roaming around outside. Triplets are hard, but it's all so worth it.

quote

2009-03-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

“Bad habits are easy to start, but they make your life miserable. Good habits are hard to start, but they make your life wonderful.”
Joel Osteen

I'm not big into quotes or sayings or mottos or any of that stuff. But I saw this today and I liked it.

17 months

2009-02-13T13:12:00.000-08:00

The babies are great. Getting easier and bigger every day it seems like. I feel like as they get easier my capacity to deal with the tough days goes down. I don't know if that makes sense, but the first year was so intense and involved such a huge amount of energy to just get through that I no longer feel like I can keep that up. At all. And when I need to, I find it harder to make myself do it.

With the economic slow-down, I've been purposely turning away any potential clients that lessen the service of my existing clients, and it's been fantastic to work less. I don't know why I couldn't bring myself to do that when the babies were tiny. I can do it when it's in my clients' best interests, but not when it's mine. Crazy.

I got on facebook a few months ago and talk about crazy. I've gotten in touch with so many people from high school and college that I thought I'd never see again. It's been a lot of fun, and not as hard to find the time for as I thought it would be. If you haven't checked out facebook yet, I recommend it. Be warned, it will blow your mind a little bit.

Drake has 16 teeth, Britta has 14 and Jack has 7. Everybody is running around and dancing. Drake has finally learned how to climb stairs. They all talk a lot of gibberish and have a few real words (mama, hi, no) but don't use them much. Our days are still pretty rigidly scheduled and it's hard when anything new comes up. But, life is good.

Okay, so this was pretty disjointed. But, I'm too tired to try to make it cohesive right now. Maybe next month.

Als das Kind Kind war

2009-02-13T13:01:00.000-08:00

Driving home the other day Als das Kind Kind war popped into my head. For a second I didn't remember what it was from. It's from Wings of Desire which was once my favorite film (may still be, but I haven't seen it in 20 years, probably). I looked it up when I got up home and found this translation. So beautiful.

Bruno Ganz - Lied vom kindsein

When the child was a child
It walked with its arms swinging,
wanted the brook to be a river,
the river to be a torrent,
and this puddle to be the sea.

When the child was a child,
it didn't know that it was a child,
everything was soulful,
and all souls were one.

When the child was a child,
it had no opinion about anything,
had no habits,
it often sat cross-legged,
took off running,
had a cowlick in its hair,
and made no faces when photographed.

When the child was a child,
It was the time for these questions:
Why am I me, and why not you?
Why am I here, and why not there?
When did time begin, and where does space end?
Is life under the sun not just a dream?
Is what I see and hear and smell
not just an illusion of a world before the world?
Given the facts of evil and people.
does evil really exist?
How can it be that I, who I am,
didn't exist before I came to be,
and that, someday, I, who I am,
will no longer be who I am?

When the child was a child,
It choked on spinach, on peas, on rice pudding,
and on steamed cauliflower,
and eats all of those now, and not just because it has to.

When the child was a child,
it awoke once in a strange bed,
and now does so again and again.
Many people, then, seemed beautiful,
and now only a few do, by sheer luck.

It had visualized a clear image of Paradise,
and now can at most guess,
could not conceive of nothingness,
and shudders today at the thought.

When the child was a child,
It played with enthusiasm,
and, now, has just as much excitement as then,
but only when it concerns its work.

When the child was a child,
It was enough for it to eat an apple, … bread,
And so it is even now.

When the child was a child,
Berries filled its hand as only berries do,
and do even now,
Fresh walnuts made its tongue raw,
and do even now,
it had, on every mountaintop,
the longing for a higher mountain yet,
and in every city,
the longing for an even greater city,
and that is still so,
It reached for cherries in topmost branches of trees
with an elation it still has today,
has a shyness in front of strangers,
and has that even now.
It awaited the first snow,
And waits that way even now.

When the child was a child,
It threw a stick like a lance against a tree,
And it quivers there still today.

- Peter Handke, Song of Childhood

15 months

2008-12-28T11:31:00.000-08:00

Jack

Britta

Drake

Britta weighs 22 1/2 pounds, Drake weighs 26 1/2 pounds and Jack weighs 28 1/2 pounds.

Schedule

7 pm - 8 am sleep

8 am - 12 pm bottle, breakfast, play, bottle

~ 12-2 pm nap

2 pm -7 pm, bottle, lunch, play, dinner, play, bottle, bed

That's a pretty simple summary of a lot of work, a lot of toys being thrown around, and a lot of diapers being changed. I'm planning to get rid of that second bottle before their nap. We're still doing formula, but when we're done with what we have on hand, we're switching to whole milk. We also need to get working on sippy cups so we can just be done with the bottles. But they are easy and Jack loves them (Britta is just about done with them, she drinks a little and Jack usually takes the rest). Also, they throw their sippy cups around more than they drink from them.

Everyone's walking (and dancing! we have a cute video of all three bouncing to Coldplay's Viva La Vida). Now that they are down to one nap, they have started sleeping around 13 hours a night, which is really amazing!

Christmas was fun. The babies favorite toys were a big Tonka trunk (they like to get in and get pushed around and push each other around) and some stacking rings. The big girls had a nice Christmas too - despite the fact that we did not get Grace a cell phone for Christmas!

They all have their little sounds that they make. Drake likes to say "bah bah bah" and Jack says "dah dah" (he also likes to lightly hit Scooter and discipline him which might get him in trouble one day) and Britta likes to buzz (and say oooo for Scooter). They all say mama and they all give kisses (Britta makes the cutest smacking noise when she does). So far, they really do seem to be getting easier as they get older.

getting stuff done

2008-12-03T20:00:00.000-08:00

I wrote this a couple of months ago and don't know why I never published it. Not that it's good, but pretty much everything I throw out here these days is kind of haphazard.

You know how a lot of women just can't say no? And, they always have tons of important stuff to do? Yeah, that was never me. I like my free time. I want to have time to relax, to be with my family and to read books. Since the babies, I've had to settle for finding a little time to relax and being with my family. Reading is one of the many things that has gotten pushed down on the priority list, because when you have 5,000 things to do - and only time to do 500 - something has to give.

I said in one of my last posts that I have let tons of stuff slide. And I have. But, I was thinking I need to give myself credit for all the things that I do manage to get done. Just taking care of the babies is a lot. Just taking care of my business is a lot. Throwing in taking care of the older girls and feeding everyone on top of that is a lot. I've had to find new ways to get the important things done and the main thing is prioritizing (and for the first few months of the babies lives it also meant just going all the time). Here's some things I've figured out.

Family Prayer and Family Home Evening and Reading Scriptures
Before the babies we said family prayer every night, we were okay at FHE and reading scriptures. We'd have phases where we were doing it and phases where we weren't. After the babies were born, all of it went out the window. In January, we had a lesson in church called "Good, Better, Best" (based on a talk by Dallin Oaks) and we discussed how sometimes we forego the best things in life because we are too busy with good things. It got me thinking that these three things are really important to our family cohesion and our spirituality and we need to find time to do them.

First, we made family prayer a part of the babies' bedtime routine. After they are fed, changed and their teeth are brushed, we say family prayer and then they go to bed. I like this because it's a time of day that I never forget to get to and I also like that the babies are part of it.

Second, I made a Family Home Evening task wheel. And it totally works. And it's totally fun. And the thing that keeps it working is the TREATS. I never had treats as part of FHE before (Friday and Saturday night are our treat nights and I didn't want to have a third night), but it's really worth it. Everybody looks forward to their week that they are in charge of treats and they even look forward to their turn to be in charge of the activity. It's been a great bonding time for the four of us, and we've done so much fun stuff that David and I probably would have said we were too tired to do if it wasn't Family Home Evening. There's nothing like a fun game of Statues, Dots, or Dance Dance Revolution to get your energy back up, though. A fun idea that I did a few weeks ago was to take videos of everyone recalling their earliest memory. It was easy and fun.

We are still working on the third one. We are working our way through the New Testament and up until school started we were doing pretty well. I have a little chart that we cross off chapters after we read them, but I need to find a time that clicks better for us. Since school has started I don't usually think of it until we are almost ready for bed and everyone is tired. During the summer we did it around 9:30 or so before we started reading our own books for the night, but now it's a little late.

Housekeeping
I have a cleaning service that comes every other week. I declutter the day before and the day they come, but this is just a surface decluttering.

After the babies go down, I take 10 minutes and pick up the whole house. So, a few hours every night the house is in order. No matter how tired I am, I always pick up. I feel like if I let it go one night, I'll never be able to stay on top of it. That, and I can't even relax until it's done.

Before I got pregnant, I was good about decluttering. But I had this weird system of stashing and decluttering. I would systemically go through the house one room at a time and declutter. But often while I was decluttering one room, I would stash the stuff in another room. I would get to it in my rounds of decluttering and it all worked out in the end, but I just don't have time for that kind of thing anymore. I was talking to a friend about Flylady (which. I just cannot stand their website. It's organized so horribly and that "flylady" cartoon just annoys me. Why can't they just put a photo of a well-lit clean room on the webpage?) and she was recommending I declutter for just 10 minutes a day after the babies go down. I thought I can do that. And then the rest of the day was just a mad rush and pull to get everything done. When the babies went down and I had spent 10 minutes or so picking up the idea of decluttering for 10 more minutes was just too much. I hadn't stopped since I got home from the gym and it was finally time to stop.

But I needed to get to this stuff.

So, I came up with a new two-second plan. And, so far it's working. That's right, I'm going to write a book titled: Declutter your home in Two Seconds. I started with my closet. The idea is that every time I'm in my closet I take two seconds to hang up something or throw away something - just something that makes my closet better, not worse. It took a day of that to put almost all of my clothes away. And another day to get most of the junk out of there. And another day to get most of the stuff that I need to give away out. Now, I just need to stay on top of it. Put away clean laundry and don't stash anything new in there anymore.

Now, I'm doing the same thing with my junk drawer. When I feel like those places are habits, I'm going to do the same thing with closets around the house. That's a little trickier because I'll have to deliberately open the closet for my two-second clean up from time to time.

The next step is to get my kids to form better habits.

14 months

2008-11-25T13:33:00.001-08:00

The babies are all walking now! Drake took his first steps about two weeks ago and he's hobbling all over the place now. It feels really good to have all of them hit this milestone. Jack and Britta have also started dancing! It's just the sweetest and funniest thing ever! I can't wait to have three dancing babies.

Britta is just the easiest little girl. I swear she only cries when it's time to go to sleep and when something gets taken away from her. I was worried about her when they all got sick, because she's the littlest and doesn't have much extra on her frame. But, she got the least sick of all of them and once she was better, actually has developed a little belly. I don't know why, but I like it!

Drake has 15 teeth now. 15! No wonder that little guy is crabbier than the other two! (Britta has 8 and Jack has 6). He has seemed a lot happier ever since he started walking. I'm thinking: not being sick, not teething for once, and actually being able to get around must be working in his favor.

Jack is just happy Jack. Except he does seem to be a little more sensitive than the other two. He's usually happy, but when he's not he really is just so darn sad. He is the most attached to David (I think that's pretty cool for him - the older girls always looked to David for fun, but I was the one they wanted when they were sick or sad). He cries whenever David leaves.

They have dropped their first nap. It's a little frustrating because some days it seems like they still need it and some days they don't. But, we decided today that it's time to just have one nap. In some ways, I think it will be better to have one longer nap than two shorter naps.

They were all sick - stomach flu sick - for the first time two weeks ago. It was terrible. The worst that things have been since they were newborn. Taking care of three babies is hard on normal days, but when you're not getting sleep and they are throwing up and having to be changed every 10 minutes, it quickly gets unbearable. Except you don't have any other options. I'm very happy that things are now back to being simply hard. And, you know what? Today was actually just kind of fun. It wasn't that hard at all. And, the older they get the more of those days we get.

Workout Routine

2008-11-06T15:29:00.000-08:00

Monday/Wednesday/Friday: Endurance
Stretch
Upper Body Weights (I skip weights on Friday)
Run (usually 4-6 miles)
Ab Work
Stretch/Massage with Foam Roller

Tuesday/Thursday: Intensity
Stretch
Lower Body Weights (3 sets of 10 each)
- lunges
- squats
- crossover lunges
- plie squats with leg raises
Plyometric Exercises (3 sets of 10 each - no weights)
- jumping lunges
- jumping squats
- skaters
- jumping plie squats
- side to side jumps
The Tabata Protocol
- walk 5 minutes (8 incline/3.5 mph)
- max sprint 20 seconds (8 incline/7 mph)
- walk 30 seconds
- repeat sprinting and walking for 4 minutes
- walk 5 minutes
I run/walk stairs until I'm totally wiped out
Stretch/Massage with Foam Roller

Monday/Wednesday/Friday workouts are actually much longer, but the Tuesday/Thursday ones are pretty hardcore. I just started doing "The Tabata Protocol" and I love it. It's only 4 minutes, but it is intense. If you decide to try it, have a water bottle and a towel handy because you will sweat more in those 4 minutes than you thought possible. Also, do your max sprint speed, not mine. When I started, my max speed was 6 mph (and I'd been doing minute long sprints on an incline a few times a week for 6 months). The Tabata Protocol was actually originally for speed skating, but you can apply it to almost anything (I watched some Crossfit folks doing Tabata squats on YouTube, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet).

The "ab work" isn't much because I have some muscle separation and I need to be careful not to make it worse. Lately, I've been doing these exercises I found here, but I don't push it.

I was just thinking that I started exercising again just about a year ago. I hadn't exercised in a year and I had been on strict bedrest for 10 weeks and limited activity for 8 months. I certainly wasn't up for sprints. I started exercising when the babies were two months old and at first I was just walking, for maybe 15 minutes at a time. I slowly increased my time at the gym (and on the elliptical at home).

When the babies were seven months old I decided I wanted to push myself more and I picked up Jillian Michaels' book Making the Cut. Her workouts are incredibly varied and mix weight lifting with calisthenics and sprinting (alternating flat and inclines sprints). The idea is that High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) challenges you more, increases your fitness level faster and boosts your metabolism (there's also some research that indicates HIIT suppresses your appetite while steady cardio increases it). Her book has a 30 day routine and I did it twice and then I just started doing my own thing and that has evolved into this workout routine. The first time I did one of her uphill sprints (10 incline/5.5 mph) I seriously thought I was going to puke (and I went slower the next time!).

I don't plan on doing it forever, though. I think the secret (for me) with working out is to change up what I do so that I don't get bored and so I'm challenging myself in different ways.

I have also found that motivates me is not my weight. I have always managed to maintain a decent weight, but I have also always felt like I would like to lose "just 5 more pounds". When I picked up Jillian Michaels' book that was actually my goal. Just 5 more pounds. But, about a week into it, I realized that even if I lost 5 pounds, I would still probably want to lose 5 more and that was a silly way to live my life. I just decided to be happy with where I am at. And, for some reason I feel way more motivated at the gym now. I guess because I'm doing it because I want to and because it feels good (not just long term, but in the moment and then throughout the day afterwards). I find if I just focus on feeling good, a lot of things fall into the right place.

President Obama

2008-11-06T14:32:00.000-08:00

This picture of Barry makes me very happy!

I'm surprised how good I've felt since election night. It just feels like all this negative energy is just gone (I don't mean that in a new agey way, but whatever). It's nice that it's over and done. And I'm happy for Obama and his family. I thought Obama's speech was great. My favorite part of the night was watching Michelle and the two girls skip off the stage.

chris

2008-10-19T12:31:00.001-07:00

It's been over three months now since Chris died. Off and on I've wanted to write about him, but it's hard to find the right words. But, even if I get the words all wrong I think it's still important to try. I think about him almost every day, but most of the time it's still not real to me that he's gone.

I was at the gym on the day that it had been three months since his death and in the middle of lifting a weight, the thought that Chris isn't here just hit me hard and I almost started crying right there. I don't have the same darkness or fog about it that I did in the first few weeks, but I still find myself thinking about him and feeling sad at odd moments.

I hear stuff all the time that makes me think of him. On NPR, an author was talking about her mother who had died and the "mystery of absence". How can she have been here and now she's not? How could Chris have been here and now he's not? At church, I was reading a visiting teaching message about understanding that you are a child of God and treating your body like a temple and I just started crying. It was a message I've heard literally hundreds of times before and was never moved by. But looking at it through the lens of suicide put a terribly different spin on the words. I listened to an interview with David Foster Wallace (an author who recently killed himself) and thought of Chris and thought of Wallace's family. David and I watched a Woody Allen movie where one of the characters says, "I want to want to live." I want Chris to want to live. But the decision is already made.

What's strange is that I'll think about him in terms of how we could still help him. What could made a difference. It's a hard thing to let go even though it's so pointless.

Sometimes I think about the peace that I felt at the prospect of dying. How grateful I felt for my life. How 28 years felt like a huge gift. And it almost makes me feel a little better, that maybe that was the kind of peace that Chris had come to. Except, I got to live 10 more years. I don't know what Chris would have done with 10 more years, but I don't know how he could regret living them.

I do hope Chris has peace now. I think he must have peace now, but it is at such a terrible cost.

running up that hill

2008-10-10T21:18:00.001-07:00

For the last couple of Fridays when I go to the gym instead of stretching, lifting, and then running, I just stretch and run (and stretch again - stretching is my new favorite. I used to hate it because I'm not very flexible, but that seems silly now. Who am I trying to impress when I'm stretching? You can't win stretching).

Today I ran six miles. In 59 minutes. And it felt incredible. When I was done, I felt like I could've kept going, but I've only been running four or five miles at a time and I didn't want to overdo it. While I was running, I realized why the mom of the Masche sextuplets trained for and ran a marathon around the babies' first birthday. You can literally run away from stress.

When my older girls were babies, I didn't start working out seriously until they were 18 months old. Thinking about that makes me wonder what my rush was to get back into it with these babies. And, why I'm working so much harder than I usually do.

1) After the babies were born I felt terrible. I was stooped over and literally couldn't get myself to stand up straight. My back hurt, my ribs hurt, and I felt weak. I was lucky enough to lose the baby weight quickly (but it was lucky like it's lucky to get food poisoning or a tape worm - after you're better the weight loss feels like a bonus but in the moment you just want to feel good).

2) I NEEDED to do something for myself that had nothing to do with babies or work and working out was the only thing I felt like I could do without feeling guilty.

What I didn't know is what a great stress reducer it would be.

The first time I started running regularly was a little over 20 years ago. My favorite album to run to was Sinead O'Connor's Lion and the Cobra. I put it on my ipod shuffle a few months ago and I run to it almost every day. It's good to feel as good as I did 20 years ago. Better, actually. Because I'm not running away from my angst about my freshman boyfriend!

I'm not sure what my point is. I just feel good about getting stronger and faster and that I can be in this place right now. As crazy and busy as my life is, I'm happy. And, I'm glad I can run.

13 months

2008-10-09T13:10:00.000-07:00

The big news is that Britta and Jack are walking! Jack has been taking steps and practicing a lot and we thought he would beat her, but last Saturday, Britta just took off. She still crawls more than she walks, but she is going! Jack is walking 6-10 steps at a time. It's pretty cool to see.

Drake's first word was "mama" and he uses it a lot! Britta says mama and dada, but it's still not totally clear if she's using them in the right way. I swear she said "gooter" to scooter the other day when we were taking a walk. She said it more than once, but I just can't be sure. Jack says "nonononono" when he wants something. They all wave hi and bye and have all known their own names for a few months now.

Drake has 11 teeth and is working on 5 or 6 more. Poor little guy. Jack still has 6 and Britta 8. They've all been extra cranky this week and now David is sick. The boys have runny noses, so I think they have probably been feeling yucky. Maybe I'm getting sick, too, because everything just seems harder this week. Still a million times easier than where we were last year at this time.

Babies are waking.

10 years ago

2008-10-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

Two and a half years old

10 years ago Lillie was born. I remember they handed her to me right away (Grace was whisked away and I didn't get to see her for a few minutes) and I remember getting cold while I was holding her. I don't know if it was her or me, but her body temperature was low when they checked her and they needed to take her away to warm her up. David went with while she was in the "french fry machine" as David called it. I wanted to be with her, too, but I was also really tired (I hadn't slept all night) and it was nice just to close my eyes for a while.

My sister-in-law brought my mom and Grace over and it was so nice to see Grace. Except suddenly her four year old self seemed very big next to the new little baby.

We left the hospital the next day and it was so nice to get back home. My mom stayed for probably a week or so. Lillie was such a different baby than Grace. She was just naturally happy and calm and she loved to sleep. Instead of screaming in her carseat, riding in the car just put her to sleep. By the time she was three weeks old she was sleeping from 8 pm to 6 am.

Something about Lille has always just made me laugh. She's just so cute and funny. When her hospital pictures arrived in the mail, her picture just made me laugh. And it surprised me a little because she already looked so different.

The last ten years have been such wonderful years because Lillie's been with us. My pregnancy with her was rough. I had hyperemesis and a bloodclot and there were a few days in the hospital when I wasn't sure if I was going to get to bring this little baby into the world. Or if I was going to get to see Grace grow up. I remember thinking about the possibility of dying and the weird thing was that for myself, I felt peaceful about dying. I looked back on my life and just felt grateful for everything that had happened to me in those 28 years. I didn't think about things I wished that I had done or places I wished that I had wanted to see or anything like that. I was simply thankful. For the family I grew up in, the friends I had made, the places I had been, the man I married and my daughter. I had a lifetime to be thankful for. When I thought of David and Grace - that was where death seemed unthinkable. For that little girl to lose her mom would have been devastating.

I'm so thankful for each day that I've had since then. And, today I am so thankful for Lillie. My smart, sweet, funny, amazing little girl.

regrets

2008-09-19T11:12:00.001-07:00

On a triplet forum, someone asked what regrets people had about the first year. Thre's not much point in dwelling on regrets, but for someone who hasn't gone through it yet, I think it's a great thing to talk about. Here's what I wrote.

We took our first video of the babies at six weeks (and I don't have any video of me when I was pregnant - lots of photos, but nothing captures that kind of thing like video would) We have plenty of video from then on, but we were just too much in a fog to even think about it. I wish we had more photos of them individually in the first few weeks. I also regret not having more pictures of me with the babies and with all three. I worried too much about whether or not I'd taken a shower and looked alright. One of my favorite photos now is a picture my husband took of me holding two of the babies when they were probably three weeks old. I look exhausted in it. Right after that he took another one and told me to smile. In the second one, I look happier, but the first one was the reality of what we were living.

In the early months, I would've asked for more help. There were a lot of people at my church who were willing to help. I got a list of names and phone numbers and I didn't call. I needed the help and they were willing to help, but everything was just so hard. If I did that again, I'd ask a friend to be a go-between and have THEM call.

I have regret about not breastfeeding longer (we made it to six months). I think if I had been pumping, we could've made it a little longer, but I think if I found myself in the same place it would probably go the same. Because I just had too darn much on my plate and something had to give.

What I don't regret is keeping a blog. I only wrote in it once a month to update on their progress, but that's twelve entries that mean the world to me now.

I don't regret getting cleaning services to clean my house. I don't regret letting my babies cry so that they could get on an awesome schedule (although it was really hard at the time). I don't regret letting lots (and I mean TONS) of stuff slide so I could just spend time with my babies. I don't regret choosing to go to the gym almost every day instead of getting more of that stuff done. I don't regret getting babysitters (after the babies go to bed, usually) so that my husband and I could go out with my two older daughters. They needed it and we did too (we still do).

There's so much more to be thankful for than to regret.

one year

2008-09-09T12:07:00.000-07:00

One year ago. I just keep thinking about it today. It's amazing. We've had an amazing, wonderful year. Busy and hard, but fun and happy, too. The hardest part about having triplets isn't taking care of the babies. Although some days the idea of one more bottle or one more diaper just seems like too much, most of the time being with them is actually a good time. The hard part is finding time to do anything else.

The babies are actually easier than I imagined they would be - just because I couldn't really imagine it! It just didn't seem possible to care for three babies. But it is.

This morning we gave the babies their bottles and breakfast as usual. But, for breakfast they had cinnamon rolls, eggs, and chocolate milk (with 1/2 whole milk). Only Drake really seemed to get much of the milk. All three loved the cinnamon rolls - although Drake and Jack seemed the most into them.

They went down for their usual morning nap and I went to the gym. I ran four miles in 37 minutes (a personal best since the babies were born) and the whole time I just thought about where I was last year. And that whole run was easier than trying to turn over when I was pregnant with them or getting out of bed after they were born. Going through that rough physical time has made me so thankful for my body and what it can do.

I came back home and looked at the blog posts I'd started for each of the babies and I had planned to write more, but I heard the babies waking up and figured it was more important to get them up than get the posts just right. There's more I could say about each baby, but I think what I wrote is enough.

Then, the babies had small bottles and lunch. Little noodles and carrots and apples and cheese and crackers they could feed themselves and I fed them yogurt with peaches and sang "The wheels on the bus". I changed them (diapers and clothes) and took them for a walk in the stroller. We came home and played for a half an hour or so. The three of them played together in the funnest, most interactive way I have seen yet. They were literally chasing each other around and laughing. I loved it.

Then, it was time to go down for a nap and I took a little longer to rub their backs and sing to them than usual.

I can still hear someone making some little noises, but no one is unhappy or crying. They won't remember this day, but I just want to make it a fun day for them. A good day. Because it's a very good day. One of the best I'll ever know.

Jack

2008-09-09T10:25:00.000-07:00

Jack,
You came into this world a little guy, our littlest. You were the only one to spend time in the NICU and for the first nine days of your life I only got to see you once a day. That was hard. You were little and fragile and we worried about you and we missed you. You looked like a worried little old man when we brought you home. You quickly started to chunk up and now you are just the sweetest, biggest, cutest, most gorgeous baby.

Today you are a year old and in the last year you have learned to roll, crawl, stand alone and feed yourself. You say mama, dada, and nonono. You love to finish off Drake and Britta's bottles. You love to grab for the dog. When we put to bed you stand at the crib until we come over and then you dive for your blanket and put your back to us so we'll rub your back. When we do, you giggle.

You weighed 5 lbs 3 oz when you were born and you were 4 lbs 14 oz when you left the hospital. Now you weigh 26 pounds. You went from being the littlest to the biggest.

You are the sweetest, happiest guy. You have an easy smile and an awesome laugh. We couldn't imagine a world without you. We love you, Jack.

Drake

2008-09-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

Drake,
At 6 pounds, you were our biggest baby and from the beginning you were our best sleeper. The first night that you slept in my room, I held you and Britta on my chest and your tiny little hand held my finger. those early weeks when I was so sleep deprived I could hardly see straight, you were my big guy, my rock that slept the most and cried the least.

As you got older, you never stopped sleeping well, but you did become the one to cry the most and need the most attention. As much as I love the other babies for being easy, I love you for needing me. I just love you all as you are.

Today you are a year old and in the last year you have learned to roll, crawl, stand holding on to something and feed yourself. When it's time to go to bed, you hold your blanket and giraffe and quietly play until you fall asleep.

You weighed 6 lbs when you were born and now you weigh 25 pounds. You have an awesome smile and a deep laugh and a funny gruff little way of talking to yourself.

You are such a sweet and loveable baby. We couldn't imagine a world without you. We love you, Drake.

Britta

2008-09-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

Britta,
Before you were born, we were either going to name you Elsa or Britta. As soon as I saw you, I knew that you were a Britta. You seemed fragile and bird-like and Britta just fit. When we first brought you home, you would suddenly shriek and then stop. You loved to sleep on your stomach and you loved to sleep on us.

You were the first to crawl and the first to stand and the first to start feeding yourself. You were the first to go to your own crib.

Today you are a year old and in the last year you have learned to roll, scootch, crawl, stand alone and feed yourself. My favorite thing is when you crawl into my lap. You say mama and dada, but I don't know if you know what that means. You have the easiest smile and lately you have started wrinkling your nose when you smile. You don't show much interest in your bottle anymore, but you love to feed yourself.

You weighed 5 lbs 8 oz when you were born and you were under 5 lbs when you left the hospital. Now you weigh 20 pounds. Even though you are the littlest, you do seem like the oldest. Not just all your awesome physical skills, but the way you look and act. You are a wise little thing.

You are such a sweet, funny girl. You smile all the time. Almost the only time you ever cry is when it's bedtime. We couldn't imagine a world without you. We love you, Britta.

crazy love

2008-09-02T07:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I woke up thinking about this past year. Usually I can feel really grateful for everything and just focus on the positives but yesterday I just kept thinking about how incredibly busy and hard this year has been. It has just been so stressful. Having multiples is something that you can't describe for someone else, it's not something that you can explain or convey. I can't put into words just how relentless the work is. How tiring it is. Thinking about just how hard it is has been made me a little amazed that my marriage is still intact, my older kids are happy and don't resent the babies or me, my business is still viable, the babies are normal, healthy babies, and I am okay, too.

We watched Jon & Kate + 8 last night and it was a very touching episode. They went back to the NICU and talked about their memories of the pregnancy and the time with six newborns. At one point, Kate was crying when she was thinking about their last time as a family of four and how simple things were. I was crying, too. I only have an inkling of what they went through, but I do understand a very small part of it in a way that I couldn't have before I had the babies. Once their babies came, nothing was simple again. Nothing will be simple again. For them it's magnified so much more, by the sheer number of their babies and by being in the public eye.

You give up a lot when you bring three babies home. Your life changes irreversibly. Not being able to care for each of your babies the way you want to, not being able to give them everything you were able to give your other babies. Ever feeling like you are caught up or even close to caught up. Finding time to do the littlest things. There's a craziness to the whole thing.

But, thankfully, mixed up in all that craziness is so much love and gratitude. Because for as hard as it is, each of them is infinitely worth it. Even when you give more than you thought you had, you still get back more than you give.

eating

2008-08-23T13:09:00.000-07:00

This is a quick video of the babies eating. Good times.

11 months

2008-08-16T12:08:00.000-07:00

I simply cannot believe my babies are 11 months old.

Britta is still everywhere - she is climbing up the stairs like nobody's business. We just got a gate and when she discovered it, she just cried. She is standing and cruising along the furniture, so it won't be long before she's walking, I think. Britta laughs a lot and is just such a cute girl.

Drake just started crawling this week and we were all so excited. He's such a sweet kid. He's a lot more clingy than the other two, but I'm hopeful that he'll be a lot less frustrated once he can get himself around. He still needs a lot more sleep than Jack and Britta do, so I have been putting him to bed a little earlier. It's been good because I can give Jack and Britta a little extra attention then.

Jack is crawling all over and pulling himself up and standing by himself some. He's gotten a lot more interested in food this last month. He's the only one who really understands that the bottle needs to be tipped down to work, so he'll either throw himself back on the ground when he gets his bottle, or (my favorite) he'll kneel and hold the bottle up so he can drink it. I've tried getting a picture of him doing it, but every time I do he just lunges for the camera.

Even stranger is that my other babies are 14 years old and almost 10! Years! It's really crazy. It's amazing and fun and just a little sad all at the same time.

But, I have to say the jokes just get better and better.

25 days

2008-08-09T19:04:00.001-07:00

she called up
And gave me the news
It made me so sad, sad, sad
There was nothing I could do
- crowded house

I've got this energy beneath my feet
like something underground's gonna come up and carry me,
I've got this sentimental heart that beats
but I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me now
- the killers

Stop! in the name of love
Before you break my heart
Think it over
-the supremes

The babies were 11 months old yesterday and I will write my monthly post about them sometime next week, but I don't feel right about not writing about the sad news we got last month. There's a lot of stuff I don't write about here now, but it seems right to write about Chris.

I've known Chris since 1990 - almost as long as I've known David. He's been David's friend since high school and I'm lucky to say that he was my friend, too. He killed himself last month and the news was devastating and just so strange for me.

26 days ago our friend Chris was alive and making his classic jokes. For 25 days, those of us who knew him have lived with the fact that he is gone. He is gone and he shouldn't be.

I still haven't processed what's happened. I don't know if I will. Part of what makes it bearable is that it's still not really real. Because he wasn't part of our day-to-day lives, we can forget just a little how much we have lost.

The first week after he died was painfully slow for me, but life has gotten back to normal. I cried about him this morning a little, but it was the first time in a while. Life goes on because it has to go on and that's how it should be. But, things will never be exactly the same. His death broke my heart in a way that won't ever be totally healed.

The days that go by without Chris are going to pile up and turn into years and decades. I'm thankful that I will get to wake up and see those days pass. I wish Chris still could. I wish he had wanted to.

ten months

2008-07-13T12:07:00.001-07:00

I can't believe the babies are 10 months old now. When the babies were born, I tried to imagine life a year down the road, and I couldn't. I couldn't really even imagine life when we brought them home from the hospital. It's amazing that we've made it this far.

Jen asked me if I feel like I've come up for air yet, and I do. I'd say it's really just been in the last month or so that I don't feel like I am just going all day long and that I have a little time to relax (not just at bedtime, but during naptime and playtime even). The babies are at a good stage. Britta is crawling, standing, climbing, and just loves to explore and try everything. And, she's happy with that. We have the house essentially baby-proofed and as long as we keep certain doors closed (bathrooms, laundry room), we can let her explore and just keep an eye on where she's at and what she's doing. Jack is crawling well now, but he's less of an explorer. If he wants something, he will go get it, he'll crawl a little for fun, but he explores less than Britta. He's happy playing with toys and pulling down DVDs. Drake is not yet crawling, but he has discovered that he can get places by rolling. He was the first baby to roll, but he only did it to get off of his tummy. He finally is happy to be on his tummy and he seems happier now that he's a little more mobile.

The babies love to go for walks and they interact with each other and love to play with toys. Every day our living room is a little explosion of toys and DVDs. Right now I don't have a lot of extra work and our sleeping schedule is more flexible without school and the babies just seem to be happy. They need supervision and interaction, but it seems like it's less work. They are sleeping less, but still sleeping well.

It's getting easier to take them out and about. We take them out to eat every weekend. We only go to certain restaurants, but it works. We've been taking them to stores a little more, because it's not that hard and they seem to enjoy getting out.

For church, we still take them just to sacrament (the first hour of church) and then we alternate who takes them home and puts them down for a nap and who stays with the girls. People will often ask me where the babies are and I'll explain that it's naptime and David and I just take turns coming to church. One woman said, "Yeah, otherwise you'd just be walking the halls the whole time." The thing is, with three babies, I don't really know what we'd do. We don't walk our babies and if we tried, it would be a little difficult, being outnumbered and all. If they have a hard time going to sleep, we'll go in and hold them for a while, but in the end it's their job to fall asleep. With our setup now, every other week we both get to fully enjoy church. If we brought the babies to all three hours, we never would. I think just about the time that we'll be able to manage all three babies for all three hours, they'll be ready for nursery.

The first three months or so were so difficult with these guys. I felt like I was doing a million things a day and being pulled in a thousand different directions and the sleep deprivation is just something I hope I never have to experience again. But, at the time, we were just so grateful that the babies were all here and healthy and everyone had made it. Every issue of the Triplet Connection magazine has a page in memory of the babies that don't make it and just thinking about that brings tears to my eyes. This immense wave of relief and gratefulness that we get to take care of these babies helped us to get through that early time (and it still does, but it's not as much on my mind). Then, as the babies slept better, even though the days were exhausting, we were so grateful that we no longer had to sleep in shifts and that we could get more than five hours of sleep at time. That helped us get through the next phase. And, so far, it seems like the older they get the easier it gets. We've managed by hunkering down at home and sticking to the schedule and keeping things as easy as possible. I don't know what the toddler phase will bring, but already I can see their personalities shine through in new ways, and I am excited for it.

The older girls are doing great. Grace just got back from girls' camp and had a fabulous time. Lillie is loving summer. They both have made great progress with swimming because we've actually had the time to go to the pool. Last summer was such an odd summer, with me being on bedrest most of the time.

I use this blog basically as a monthly marker for the triplets, but I haven't quite figured out how to (and how much I want to) write about the older girls. I started this wanting to keep them anonymous and I have never included their photos and talked about them much. (My blog was very different then - it was more about keeping track of both the serious and silly things I thought about.) I find that it's a tougher balance to hit for some reason. I've considered going password protected so I can just include whatever photos I want and talk about whatever I like and not have to keep in mind that this is a public forum and that I'm not sure who reads it. Maybe I should just do that.

When Grace was little she had a small cardbox of toys. Over the years, her toys and Lillie's toys combined have taken over our bonus room (even with going through and giving away things as they outgrow them). They are getting too old for most of what's up there now (Grace is, anyway) and the babies aren't yet old enough for them. And, I realized the other day that we are back to a little basket of baby toys (the one behind Britta in the photos). I like that.

advice for new parents of multiples

2008-07-03T16:01:00.000-07:00

I wrote out some advice on triplet advice board, and thought I'd put it here too:

Advice
Read these forums, read triplet blogs, read books on parenting multiples (when you are pregnant this is a good time, you will have A LOT less time when the babies are here), but don't feel you have to follow everyone's advice. Take what works for your family and leave the rest.

Pregnancy
Now is the time to take things very easy, eat a lot, relax and sleep as much as you can. Do not feel guilty about it and don't worry about your weight. Losing it should be easier than you think (for me, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight two weeks post-partum - way faster than I was with my two older girls) and if it's not, deal with that later. Right now you need to give your babies as much time in the womb as possible and as much weight on their bodies as you can. Everything else is secondary. Being pregnant with triplets is painful, boring, stressful, and scary. You only have so much control over what will happen, but take control over the things you can (that's pretty much your activity level and what you eat).

Recovery
Recovery is tough. Take things slowly and ask for help. You'll feel like you have a million things to do, but concentrate on yourself and the babies. Let the other stuff go - because that is plenty!

Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding preemies is very different from breastfeeding full term babies. Preemies don't often get it right away and it may take longer for your milk to come in. When you are in the hospital, put your babies to the breast every three hours and pump every three hours. Pumping hurts so use Lansinoh cream - it made a huge difference for me. When I was in the hospital, I was tired and I was overwhelmed and I was tempted to just scrap it, but I'm glad I didn't.Take advantage of the lactation consultants (they are a huge help in getting the babies to latch on correctly and teaching tandem nursing). I had some nurses who assumed that because I had triplets I was not breastfeeding and some who thought if I was breastfeeding the babies shouldn't get a bottle and it was frustrating. I had one great nurse who was wonderful about bringing the babies to me every three hours and by the time we came home, the two that were coming home with me had it down. My guy in the NICU only got to try once a day, but he did get the hang of it.

The biggest mistake I think I made was not pumping after the first month. I really didn't like doing it, it was inconvenient, and it seemed easier to nurse a baby than to pump. For the first four months, about 1/3 of the babies' diet was breastmilk. I think I could've increased that if I had been pumping. Around four months, all three of my babies started to resist nursing and by seven months they were completely done. I wonder now if I had pumped, if I could have kept them going a little longer. I know I could have at least provided more breastmilk in a bottle if I had. While I would recommend pumping, I think it's more important to give yourself a break and not feel guilty about things that don't work. If breastfeeding isn't something you want to try or you just feel like it's one more thing on your plate, it's okay.

The first weeks home
This is the hardest time and it will pass before you know. But when you are in the middle of sleep deprivation, trying to establish schedules, and taking care of three babies whose needs are all over the map, the best you can do is take it one day at a time. We had live-in help (my mom) for the first 6 weeks and if you can arrange for something like that, do it.

Don't worry about the babies waking each other up. If they are always in the same room, they'll get used to each other and they won't wake each other up. At least not much.

Don't forget to take pictures and video. Our first video of the babies wasn't until they were 6 weeks old. We do have plenty of photos from that time, but were just too busy surviving to even think about taking videos. I wish we had.

Don't forget yourself: take the time to eat and take the time to go to the bathroom. It sounds silly, but you get so busy that you will forget to do these things. I got a UTI when the babies were just 4 or 5 weeks old and it was not fun. You'll be a better parent if you take care of yourself, too.

Schedules: Naps and Night time
The few triplet parents we spoke to (and the advice in the books and the boards) said that getting the babies on the same schedule was the trick. I absolutely agree, but those first four weeks, I just thought HOW? The babies slept at random times and I just didn't see a schedule taking shape even though we would wake the babies at the same time. All I can say is, it will come. Just be patient.

Start as you plan to go (if you don't plan to have three 2-year-olds in your bed, don't bring three newborns in your bed) but you can make exceptions in the first month. Whatever you can do to get a little extra sleep, do. For us, that often meant going to sleep with a baby on our chest. But, that didn't last long (and I definitely wouldn't make a habit out of that sort of thing).

When the babies are still needing to be fed every 3-4 hours, sleep in shifts. My husband slept from 8pm - 3am and I slept from 3 am - 8 am (I got to sleep longer on the weekends, but I had to get up with our older girls). You need to get at least 4-5 hours of sleep a night or you won't be able to think straight and sleep deprivation (even with getting 4+ hours a sleep a night) just makes everything harder.

If you can afford it, hire someone to help at night. We didn't do this, but if you can find someone you are comfortable with I think it would be a wonderful idea. You only need someone to do this a few times a week (even once a week would be great) and only for 3-4 months and it will give you a much needed break. If you can't, consider giving each other a full night sleep from time to time. It's worth a whole night of being on with the babies to get a full night's sleep yourself.

If you can afford it, hire a cleaning service. If you can't, do what needs to be done and try to relax about the rest.

Once they are starting to sleep a little longer at night, put the babies in their own room. It might even be a good idea to start out with the babies in their own room. For us, it worked to have them in our room at first. We moved them into their own room at 8 weeks, but I'd probably do it at 4 or 5 weeks. You won't be waking up at every little noise they make and you'll sleep better.

For scheduling, I recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and Babywise. If you can, read them while you are pregnant because you won't have time to read it when you really need the information. If your babies are already here, the advice in a nutshell, is: put your babies down for nap after they have been awake for 1-2 hours. (For us, they are up one hour before the morning nap and then two hours before the second nap and two hours before the third nap, and one-two hours before bedtime). Babywise is written by the parent of triplets and they have a whole chapter on multiples.

Some books will tell you to stagger schedules so each baby gets one-on-one time. That will just leave you exhausted. It is nice to get a little one-on-one time, but to get a break and actually be able to get things done, the best advice is to get them sleeping at the same time.

Good sleep helps create more good sleep. When your babies have good naps, they'll sleep better at night.

Earlier bedtimes (6:30-7pm) encourages longer sleeping at night. Don't put them to bed late hoping they'll sleep later. It seems like that should work, but it doesn't. Don't wait until they are overtired to put them to sleep. They will cry a little when you first establishing routines, but they will cry so much less in the long run. How much to let your baby cry is a personal choice. I never let my two singletons cry it out, but with triplets, I knew that I needed to help them become self-soothers. I think because we started early, they never cried for very long. With my other two, when they cried I heard a sad baby and a baby who wanted her mom and dad. Now, I hear a baby who is tired and needs to sleep. That said, I do go into my babies and hold them if they are crying hard or their cry sounds different from the normal tired cry.

Babysitters
For the first three months, we would ask a mom who had a daughter who was babysitting age to babysit and that worked wonderfully. After the babies had a set bedtime and were sleeping well (around 3 1/2 months), we started hiring one babysitter to come after the babies had gone to bed.

Older siblings
Babysitters and Bedtimes. It gives you time with the older children and keeps your life from disintegrating into total chaos.

Exercise
Don't worry about this for the first few months - or until you are feeling strong enough. But, once you are feeling up to it, take time to exercise. It will help you feel better and sleep better. If you can, get a gym membership with good daycare, or have someone watch your babies while you go to the gym, or do a DVD while the babies nap, or just take the babies out for walks every day. Start slow and be easy on yourself, but make yourself and your health a priority.

Misc Tips
Create your own blackout curtains (I bought this white blackout fabric at Joann's http://www.joann.com/joann/catalog.jsp?CATID=cat3217&PRODID=prd31268 when it was on sale). We have them in our babies room and in our room. You don't want the sun waking up your babies or you when sleep is hard to come by! I sewed the fabric to the back of our curtains in our bedroom and just made curtains with the actual fabric in our babies' room.

Don't feel the need to buy everything now. You'll want some diapers, onesies, sleepers, burp cloths, and blankets. And, I would recommend three boppies. Those were a life saver for feeding all the babies by yourself. For diapers, I recommend Pampers for the preemie size and Pampers or Luvs for Newborn size. For some reason, Huggies are terrible for preemie and newborn size (we love them for the larger sizes, though).

Take time to enjoy your babies! They really grow so fast and won't be this little or this helpless for long.

this morning

2008-06-26T05:55:00.000-07:00

The babies went down at 6:30 last night and no one woke up until 5:30 this morning. I saw the monitor flashing but didn't hear anyone. I got up to check who was awake and it was Drake, but he was just making soft noises, so I went back to bed.

Around 5:50 I could hear Drake starting to cry and Britta was crying a little, too. I got up and got bottles going. I went in and peeked at the babies and then I went back to the kitchen and ate a bowl of cereal while the water was warming up and checked my email while the bottles were warming in the water. I used to go in while the bottles were warming, but it seems to get the babies more riled up and ticked off when I'm in there and the bottles aren't ready.

By the time the bottles were ready, everyone was awake and I got out all the boppies and gave everyone their bottles. They have all been able to hold their own bottles for at least a month or more now and it's so nice. I talked to each baby while they drank. Jack slammed his bottle and then tried to get Britta's bottle away from her (during the day, he will often finish off Britta's bottle, but she wants all of it in the morning). Britta finished her bottle and wanted more and tried to get Drake's away from him.

I've never done this before, but Jack and Britta both seemed hungry still, so I got out a can of ready-to-use formula and gave them each a few more ounces. Drake had an ounce or two left in his bottle, but didn't seem interested in finishing, so I changed his diaper. He was still a little fussy (usually drinking his bottle makes him happy) and we wrestled a bit to get his diaper on.

I set Drake down by Jack and they both started playing with an open bag of diapers that Jack dragged out from under Drake's crib. I went to change Britta's diaper. I thought she had smelled a little stinky when she was eating, and she had some old and new poo in her diaper and her skin looked chapped and irritated. She was pretty upset while I changed her diaper and put on diaper rash cream. (We've been very lucky with all of our kids - none has been prone to diaper rash. This is the first time she's looked bad, but I think it's the first time she's pooped in the night). She isn't one to cry much, but she was crying pretty hard and I held her until she calmed down. I took her with me to take the diaper out to the garage (the diaper was a little too much to just throw in the Diaper Champ).

I put her down and she grabbed Drake's bottle and finished it off while I wrestled with Jack to change his diaper. He's a big squirmy boy and he can be pretty tough to change. We managed. While I was putting his pajama pants back on, he bucked back pretty hard and hit me in the teeth. It hurt me, so I figured it hurt him, but he didn't cry.

I gave Drake the last few ounces from the ready-to-use formula I'd gotten out (to make up for what Britta took) and he finished that. I talked and played with each baby for a little while. Then, I picked up Britta and took the bottles out to the kitchen and saw that it was almost 7:00.

I went back in the room and Drake was starting to cry and fuss. I held him for a little while and then put him in his crib. He'd been up the longest and was tired. I can often put him in his crib when he's fussing and he'll quiet down. But, he didn't quiet down. Jack played quietly on the floor, while I scooped up Britta just as she was opening the door. I held her and sang "Hush Little Baby" while she hummed and sang "ga ga ga" a long with me. It reminded me of how she sang when she was little. She's been singing again lately.

I put Britta in her crib sitting up (she usually likes to crawl around the crib and pull herself up on the bars and stand for a little while before she gives in and lays down). She cried and I tried putting her on her tummy and rubbing her back. It worked. She rubbed her eyes (her sign that she is tired) and calmed down.

I picked up Jack and sang "Hush Little Baby" to him. He was smiling at me and I thought about how different he looks from when he was in the hospital. He is so big and healthy and happy. That little guy in the NICU was fragile and still. I put Jack down in his crib and he started moving his head from side to side (his sign that he is tired).

Drake was still crying, so I picked him back up and sang to him. He burped (which may be why he wasn't calming down) and then sank down onto my chest and just relaxed while I sang to him. When I put him down, he pulled his softie over half of his face (which is what he does when he's tired and in his crib - or else he'll put his thumb in his mouth) and fussed a little, but in a way that I could tell that he would be asleep soon.

I touched each baby in their crib and said I love you and closed the door. I heard a little sound from their room for a few minutes and then everything was quiet. It still amazes me how this scheduling thing works.

Usually I'd go back to bed or go to the gym, but instead I thought I'd write it down while it was in my mind. It's a fairly typical morning. Jack is usually the last one to wake up. Often Britta will get out of the room and roam up and down the hall outside of their bedroom. Drake is usually the first one up and the first one down.

I'm going back to bed. I don't know if I'll sleep, but it will good to close my eyes.

nine months

2008-06-15T18:35:00.000-07:00

Typical Day:
Between 6:00 and 7:00 am - Wake up and have a bottle
Between 7:00 and 8:00 am - First Nap
9:30 am - Wake up and play, have oatmeal and fruit
11 am - Bottle
12 pm - Second Nap
~ 2 pm - Wake up and play
3 pm - Bottle and veggies
Play, go for a walk
4-5 pm - Quick Third Nap (this is getting dropped more often than not)
6:30 (if no third nap) / 7:30 (if they had third nap) - Bottle and Bed

There's one less bottle than the last time I listed their schedule and it's amazing how much less work 12 bottles seem than 15.

Britta is crawling everywhere. She has moved from the military crawl to full-on crawl. She can also pull herself up and stand on the couch and on steps. Boy howdy, that little girl is just a busy little thing. She's an absolute sweetheart and so much fun.

Drake is still not interested in rolling or scootching or crawling. We are working with him on it, but it's just not where he's at. I think that's slowly starting to change - this morning David said he was rolling some. He's the most needy, but he is so sweet. He's the easiest for eating and going to sleep (and knowing he's not going to wind up in the dog's food bowl).

Jack is smiling all the time. He is just a big, big guy. He's outgrowing all of his clothes and I need to buy him more stuff. He's scootching - usually backwards - a lot these days. He's very happy and loves to giggle and is such a great kid.

These little guys are a lot of work, but they are also so much fun!

I need to sleep, though. The more sleep I have the more I can deal with the work of it and more fun it is. Good night.

summer break

2008-06-15T18:12:00.000-07:00

School's out! It's lovely not to have bedtimes for the girls (or early wake up times) and homework and ballet and all the stuff we were doing every day. It feels like we just got a lot more time. I'm glad the girls are going to school, it works for them and for our family, but it's also so nice to get a break. I love having my girls home and having more time with them. I wish summer was five months instead of a measly three.

We don't have much planned for the summer: swimming lessons, ballet workshops, a trip to McCall and maybe Utah. Other than that, just enjoying each other and relaxing.

Last summer was stressful and odd. I spent most of it laying on the couch, watching Top Chef and What Not to Wear and hoping the babies were going to be alright. Around this time last year, I was just starting to go down. I took the girls swimming and had barely left the subdivision when I felt dizzy and lightheaded and weird and had to pull over. I stopped driving after that and only went to church a few more times and then it was just too hard to be anywhere that I couldn't lay down.

Thinking of that makes me grateful that I am physically almost back to normal (I still have some back and rib pain, but it's not like it was when the babies were first born) and I can do things like vaccuum and make dinner and hold babies.

eight months

2008-05-16T19:57:00.001-07:00

The babies are great. I'm stressed. That pretty much sums up the last eight months of my life (well, really the last five months - the three months before that would have to include something about sleep deprivation).

My work is just too busy. Going to the gym has been great for dealing with stress and feeling better but it cuts down on the amount of time I can work. I had a mini-meltdown yesterday morning. I know it was mainly because I didn't get to sleep until after 12:30 and then Drake woke up at 4:30 and would not go back to sleep. He woke the other two up and all three were screaming. Bottles fixed that and around 6 am I had everyone fed and changed and ready to go back to sleep. Normally, they all go back down very easily, but Drake was ticked off again and I just started to lose it. By lose it, I mean cry. I just felt all of the stress that I've had every single day since they've been born. The lack of sleep, the worry about how to do this right and do right by my older girls and the babies, the lack of time. I have so little time to do simple things like go to the store or straighten a closet. I get stressed about little things and most days I feel like I'm just going all the time.

The boys were sick for the first time a few weeks ago and that made it more difficult to stay on top of things. Drake had diarrhea and had to be changed two or three times a night for close to a week. Luckily, all three didn't have that. It put me back into that sleep deprived place - not in the same intense, zombie-like state, but closer than I'd like to be.

Once Drake calmed down and the babies were back to sleep, I decided to try to get some work done instead of going back to sleep, but David came in and made me go back to sleep. And, he took care of the babies for most of the day so I could get caught up with work. And, we decided that he'll take the babies twice a week so that I can have more time to get things done.

And, after an incredibly tough morning, we had a great day. I got all of my urgent work done and got to work on minor projects that I need to get done eventually, but don't need to be done now. The babies were all very happy and fun. And, we took them out to pizza and they were wonderful. Last week we took them out to eat for the first time since they were three months old and they were fabulous then, too. We lined them up in three high chairs and fed them crushed crackers. They just soaked everything in and were just interested in everything.

I think it will be our Friday night thing. At least for a while.

Britta is rolling and scootching everywhere and into everything. She is interested in everything and wants to be everywhere. She's very happy and rarely sad (yesterday morning was the first time in a long time that she's been upset). She's a tough little cookie, too. If she bangs her head or falls down, she rarely cries. She is the closest to crawling. She has four teeth. She weighs 17 1/2 pounds. She's little, but healthy.

Drake is not interested in rolling. At all. He loves to sit. He is happy when he is well rested. He loves the girls and gets very smiley and cute when they are around. He is the most interested in eating. He has six teeth now. He weighs 21 pounds now.

Jack is rolling and scootching, but not quite as much as Brit. He loves to rock. He'll sit and rock and scootch his way around sitting up. He has gotten more social in the last few weeks - smiling and making jokes with us. He weighs 23 pounds and is just a huge, happy kid.

They really are wonderful. They take a lot of time, but they are so worth it. Yesterday, David and I were getting them ready for bed and playing with them and we were all smiling and having a great time. I thought how nice it would have been to see a picture of this when I was pregnant. Just to know it all works out. It's not easy, but everyone is healthy and happy and okay.

seven months

2008-04-19T12:05:00.000-07:00

Britta got her Ralph Wiggum hair going here.

Britta: 17.6 pounds
Drake: 20.8 pounds
Jack: 23 pounds

The babies are scootching around and playing with toys and rolling over and interested in their feet. They are not crawling yet, which is fine by me. They are only six months adjusted, but soon enough all of that will start.

Britta is happy and sweet, and a little hyper. She loves to kick her legs and scoot and screech "Bah bah bah". She's the best at playing with toys and likes to take toys away from the boys. She is the most interested in stuff. She's always looking around and grabbing things. If the TV is on, she has a hard time concentrating on other things (like her bottle). She's content and happy and noisy and sweet

Drake is sweet and happy when he is well rested. He is fussy when he's tired. He is our little alarm clock. He wakes up happy and is very content if he's getting attention. About two hours after he wakes up, he starts fussing. But, I just see it as a reminder that it's naptime. He's the most interested in us - the girls and David and me. He's more serious and when he's happy he's more content than hyper (Britta) or joyful (Jack).

Jack is a bright beam of sunshine. He smiles a lot and loves to sit up now. He likes to rock his body against something (but not as much as he did just last month). He is the most interested in the other two babies. He likes to grab their hands and grins at them. He has huge man hands and is just a big little guy. He is rarely unhappy.

They all go down for their naps beautifully. Even Drake. In fact, when I put him down he's the most likely to just relax and smile. They all protest a little when I put them down, but when we give them their soft blankets (their "softies") they calm down, and after I sing to them, that's just about it.

Night time is getting a little rougher, because Britta is scooting all over the bed. I think it's time for her to go in the crib by herself. But, she has been better the last few nights, so I haven't done it. Once they actually get to sleep, they still sleep a good 11-12 hours a night. They've been waking up at 6 am instead of 7 am, but that's alright.

Our schedule is pretty set, but not too rigid. It's established enough that I can plan things and that we know what needs to be done when. The main thing is, it keeps them happy. When I was pregnant, I talked to a woman whose sister-in-law had triplets, and she thought her sister-in-law was just a slave to the schedule. I don't know her sister-in-law or her schedule, but for us the schedule is what makes life manageable. We are not slaves to our schedule, we are slaves to the fact that we have triplets. There's just no way around the fact that we have three babies.

Grace and Lillie are doing wonderfully. They have adjusted to the new chaos very well. Getting babysitters regularly and keeping an early bedtime for the babies helps. Grace is in middle school and is just a happy, confident, amazing 13 year old. This should be one of the hardest times of her life, but she seems to be sailing through. Lillie had a rough start to the school year, but she has made some great friends and is really enjoying school and is back to her happy, silly, sweet self. They both are just the funniest girls and crack way more jokes than I ever did as a kid

I have 5,000 other things I could be doing (and will get to in about three minutes here), but this was good. I'm going to take the time to do this. I don't know that it will be worth reading for anyone else, but it's good for me.

a moveable feast

2008-04-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.
Ernest Hemingway
to a friend, 1950

I haven't read much that isn't baby or triplet related since I found out I was having triplets. My reading time has gone way down. When I was pregnant, I was either too sick or too stressed to even concentrate and now I'm too busy, too stressed, or I just haven't had the time to get to the library.

The books I did read while I was on bedrest were: The Blood of Others by Simone de Beauvoir, The Sun also Rises by Hemingway, Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky, The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald, and I was about 1/3 into All the King's Men by Robert Penn Warren when the babies were born. David's reading it now, so I'll finish it when he's done.

The Blood of Others was one of my favorite books in college. I read it multiple times. I enjoyed re-reading it, but it was very different than I remembered it. The writing was self-indulgent and the characters kind of annoying. The ideas behind the plot were interesting, but the main character is almost paralyzed by his fear of interfering with someone else's life and it wasn't believable. Like, get over yourself. The idea of whose blood do you spill and whose do you save is an interesting and even powerful concept, and I found it thought-provoking in terms of war (it's placed in Paris before and during WWII), but in terms of relationships, it was crazy. You don't spend your life with someone out of pity, and you don't spurn someone to stay uninvolved. You love who you love. At least when you are young and unattached and deciding those things. I thought it was interesting too, that her lead male character was so complex and her lead female character was so two-dimensional. I know the idea was that the girl grew and changed and became more than she was, but you don't really see it until she is on her deathbed (that's not a spoiler because she is on her deathbed on page 1 and the rest of the book is written in flashbacks).

The Sun also Rises was a fabulous re-read. I've read this book at least three times before. I completely enjoyed it, but I felt differently about the characters this time around too. I was never rooting for Brett and Jake to get together. The whole book came together for me more this time, seeing Brett with the right eyes. She was beautiful, but weak and selfish and the ending was right.

I remember Crime and Punishment as a quick and interesting read. It was interesting again, but it was also painful, like a gruesome car wreck that you do not want to look at. Good, but I don't think I will re-read it again for awhile.

The Great Gatsby was the best of my re-reads. It was wonderfully written and the characters were as I remembered them and it was more interesting than I remembered. (I'm starting to run out of steam with writing this, but I want to at least get down my general impressions).

I won't write about All the King's Men until I actually finish it, but so far, so good. It was the only book in the house that I picked up during my pregnancy that I hadn't read before.

A few weeks ago, I finished A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway and the book was a feast. He writes about living in Paris with his new wife and young baby. He tells about his friendships with Gertrude Stein (which was very interesting for me as an art history major) and F. Scott Fitzgerald. The details were fascinating and left me wanting more information. It's funny because I felt like I was dipped back into Paris in the 20's and there's this mental setup I do in my mind when I read a book about the 20's that has just a little to do with what the author is actually writing, but I think was shaped in the first place by Hemingway and Fitzgerald.

The book is nonfiction, kind of. Hemingways says in the preface: "If the reader prefers, this book may be regarded as fiction." I don't know what that means, but I imagine it's due to the fact that he finished the book in 1960 but wrote out scenes with full dialogue and some of that had to be re-created in a way that is not exact.

The book has a sad ending because he tells how he he had an affair with another woman and hints at the end of his marriage and his regret is palpable. I've read most of Hemingway's fiction, but I've never been that interested in his real life. The fact that he destroyed his first marriage and that he died of a suicide just seemed so sad and so real to me, I cried when I put the book down.

Koyaanisqatsi

2008-04-19T10:44:00.000-07:00

Right after I wrote last time I told myself that I should start writing once a week. It doesn't take very long and every time I write , it's a little memory that won't get lost. Everything just gets so busy, it's hard not to just say tomorrow.

The last two months have been especially crazy with work and I feel like I just don't stop until the babies are in bed. In fact, I have felt the least busy when they are awake. I'm just feeding, burping, changing, and playing with them. And that's busy, but it's fun busy. Working like I'm trying to beat the clock and getting stressed about how long it takes me to get in and get out of the grocery store is just busy busy.

These last two weeks have been better. My life feels like it's more in balance (see my title: did anyone else see this movie in the 80s?). Because :

1) I think because work feels better. Part of that is that I have actually gotten stuff done and am sort of caught up. But, more than that, I have decided to work for < -- this long -- > and then I'm done regardless of whether I'm done. Because it's starting to feel like a bottomless pit and I think in some ways it is. There will always be something I could do and I just need to decide what has to be done today and leave it at that.

B) I have been taking the time to work out. I'm basically just as busy - I'm just replacing work time with working out... but it feels better. Way better. When I'm at the gym I can totally relax. It's good for me and I feel better physically and mentally. When I don't work out, my goals for the day look like this:

~~take care of babies~~
~~work~~
work out
~~feed the family~~
~~spend time with the older girls~~
~~pick up the house~~
~~relax~~
~~get in touch with my good friend tv~~

Having something go undone like that day after day is annoying.

III) I'm not trying to cram everything into the babies' naps. If I need to go to the store or the post office or whatever, I will do it while the babies are awake and David can take care of them. I was trying to just do everything that wasn't baby-related during their naps and there simply isn't enough time. Also, if I need to catch up on extra work, if it's a good time for David, I'll do it while the babies are awake. It's much less stressful.

Having triplets is pretty hectic, but it's so much fun. Trying to make everything else work is the problem. But, I'm getting a little closer to figuring this stuff out.

six and a half months

2008-03-31T17:43:00.000-07:00

I love this picture of the babies. Jack (far right) looks like he's doing some sort of shimmy shake.

Drake has four teeth now. FOUR. Two on bottom and two on top. Britta has two teeth. Jack has bumpy gums.

They are making all kinds of jokes now. We took them on their first trip (a five hour drive to Utah) and they did wonderfully. It was still stressful and exhausting (I hate to think how it would have been if they would have all freaked out), but I'm so glad we went. We had a nice time visiting with family and it's good to know we can do this.

We bought a triple stroller a few weeks ago and took the babies to Costco in it. Usually (well, the five or so other times we've gone out to stores) we put two babies in a double stroller and I carry one in a sling. And usually one or two people will notice that we have triplets. With the triple stroller, everyone notices. The girls counted and we were stopped 18 times (in about 45 minutes). It was fun for the girls, but I think next time we might go back to the double stroller

When the babies hit six months, it felt like such a milestone. We actually survived a whole half-year (survived may sound melodramatic, but it really does feel like you could go under - at least mentally - when there is so much that has to be done and so much energy needed to do it all). In another six months, these kiddos are going to be on their way to walking and talking and moving beyond this baby stuff. I'm not in any rush to say goodbye to the baby phase. I feel like I know how to do three babies. Three toddlers? I'm not so sure. But, I'm just taking it one day at a time. I'm trusting in the fact that anything you do every day gets easier.

Right now the babies are asleep and it's time for Family Home Evening and a little Jon & Kate Plus 8. Hey, in their world, triplets are easy.

five months

2008-02-09T12:02:00.000-08:00

The babies are five months old today. They are doing wonderfully. They are all chubby and healthy. Jack weighs about 18 pounds, Drake about 17, and Britta about 15. They are on a great schedule:

7 pm - 7 am: sleep
7 am - 8 am: bottle, change diapers
8 am - 10 am: nap
10 am - 12:30 pm: bottle (plus some rice cereal or oatmeal), change diapers, tummy time and play, bottle
~12:30 - 3:30 pm: nap (I wake them up at 4 if they are still sleeping)
3:30 - 7 pm: bottle( plus some rice cereal or oatmeal), change diapers, play, swing time during dinner (for two; the other will go in a bouncy chair or be held by David or one of the girls; if the swing isn't working that goes for all three), bottle, change diapers, bed.

The baby-focused part of my day is busy and challenging, but with the schedule the babies are well rested and rarely get too out of sorts and they (and I) know what to expect generally. It's everything else I need to do that can make life truly hectic.

My schedule is like this:
7 am - 8 am: nurse 1-3 babies, give bottles (re-prop bottles that drop while trying to nurse), burp babies, change diapers, sing songs and put babies down
8 am - 10 am: get Lillie ready for school (eat breakfast, get breakfast for Lillie, make lunch, get together clothes, go over math facts or spelling), take Lillie to school, come home and try to get in as much work as possible before babies wake up
10 am - 12:30 pm: nurse 1-3 babies, feed bottles and burp babies (usually with David), feed the babies some rice cereal or oatmeal, clean up babies, change diapers, give babies tummy time and play with them, warm up bottles, nurse 1-3 babies and feed bottles and burp babies (usually with David), sing songs and put babies down for nap
~ 12:30 - 3:30 pm: work, work out if work isn't too crazy, take a shower, have lunch, pick up the house, prep for dinner (if work is busy, just work and lunch);
after kids get home: do homework with Lillie, spend time with girls
~ 3:30 - 7 pm: nurse 1-3 babies, warm up and feed bottles( plus some rice cereal or oatmeal), clean up babies, change diapers, play, bath time a few days a week, make dinner, eat dinner, clean up after dinner (with help from girls and David), get girls to ballet/church activities (David often does this), play with babies, nurse 1-3 babies, warm up and feed bottles, change diapers, sing to babies, and put them down for the night.
7 pm - 7:30 or 8 pm: Wash bottles and mixing pitcher and any dishes from dinner. Make up 15 bottles for next day. Clean up house, fold laundry, etc.
~ 8 pm until bed: Spend time with girls and David. Relax.

There's not much relaxing. Looking at it makes me so grateful that we have a cleaning service. That gives me a few more breaks. But compared to those first few months, this is a great schedule. And, I do get a lot of help from David which makes things so much easier.

I have a big post in mind about tips for establishing schedules and sleeping, but for anyone reading this (I think most of the folks who read this have older children, but you never know who lurks), I'd recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth and On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo. If you have multiples, I'd recommend reading them when you are pregnant because finding time to do anything (and I mean anything) will be hard when your babies are first here and you really need to be establishing a schedule. If your babies are already here, read Baby Wise. It's more straightforward, a faster read, and they have a whole chapter on multiples (the Ezzos had triplets themselves so they are not giving pat answers that don't work like stagger each baby's schedule). If you have one baby, Healthy Sleep Habits gives a lot of different options and techniques for getting your baby to sleep without any crying that's very useful. I think the main thing that book taught me was how much sleep a baby needs. My babies are sleeping 16-17 hours a day and it keeps them well-rested and happy and the rest of us sane.

Jack today. He's the big boy now. We call him Olgi (for a sound he makes a lot), Jack Attack, Jackie boy, and J-Dog.

Britta today. Lillie calls her Britta Whittakers. We also call her Brit, Brit-Brit and Britti.

Drake a few days ago. It's rare to get him smiling (he does smile quite a bit, but he tends to look serious when I try to take his picture). We call him Digimon (for his first two initials DG), and Drakey (but not a lot - mostly when we sing "don't break my heart, my achey Drakey heart" to him).

To have five healthy, fabulous children is better than anything else I could possibly have. We're busy, lucky, and blessed. Amazingly blessed.

Four months

2008-01-08T12:36:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow the babies will be four months old. They are a lot of fun and tons of work. I don't know if I've ever been busier in my life. But, the little guys go to bed around 7:00 or 7:30 every night and they sleep almost 12 hours. It's just fantastic. It's truly a lifesaver to have time with just Grace and Lillie and find time to get stuff DONE. And sleep has never been more important to me - it's the difference between being able to handle almost anything and falling apart over nothing.

We also have a nice nap schedule that gives me time (although never enough time!) and keeps the babies rested and happy. They are giggling and smiling now and a lot more interactive. I know how babies are though and as soon as you get into a routine, they change on you. The first year is one big whirlwind of activity. Crawling is just around the corner (I don't even want to think about walking and running yet) and I'm just trying to enjoy my roly poly babies who aren't mobile yet!

My big girls have adjusted to the new chaos really well. Now that David and I aren't walking around sleep deprived and shell shocked, life is getting to a new normal that's good. They are a little more busy with school and ballet than I'd like them to be, but overall it's a good busy.

I haven't quite figured out what I want to do with this blog yet. I've considered starting over and I've considered scrapping it. For now, I'll just keep updating whenever I can find a minute. I'm not sure if I'm smart to include photos or not. I've kept this fairly anonymous until now, but can't seem to resist posting photos of the little trio. Most of the folks I know who blog are not anonymous at all and post photos all the time, so perhaps I have no reason to be paranoid.

I hope you all had a fabulous holiday and the new year brings many wonderful surprises your way!

britta

2007-12-08T19:58:00.001-08:00

Britta,
You are 13 weeks old tomorrow and such a loveable little girl. You weigh 10 pounds 2.5 ounces and you are such a lovely little thing.

You were Baby A. You never had a nickname, we just called you Elsa or Britta (or the girl) depending on which name we were leaning toward that day. You were in the middle, head down. You were in the safest position and the first to come into the world. You didn't move as much as Drake, and you moved more than Jack. Your movements always seemed light and fluttery and knowing you now, that fits.

When you first came home from the hospital, you weren't calm like Drake and you weren't fussy like Jack. You were unpredictable. Sometimes you would shriek out of nowhere and then suddenly be fine again. You haven't done that for awhile now and most of the time you just seem happy and content. You like to sing to yourself when you are asleep and you are the noisiest baby when you eat. I love all of your sweet little noises and coos that you make.

You have the most hair of any of our babies (Grace and Lillie had hair more like Drake). You remind your dad and I of a little bird. Your features are so delicate and tiny. You must have your dad's forehead because I know it's not mine. You look like your dad (although you look more like your dad now than your dad as a baby if that makes sense). I don't see much of my family in you yet, but I'm sure I will see those things more as you grow. Your lips may be like mine. Your eyes are still dark blue with a little gray but they are lighter than Drake's. I think your eyes will turn green like me and Lillie, but we just have to wait and see. Your ears are a mix of mine and dad's - round on the outside and pointed on the inside.

From the time that you were first born, you have loved to open your eyes and look around. Those big round eyes just take everything in. Sometimes when Lillie is holding you and watching TV, you stare at the screen right along with her.

Your big sisters love the boys, but they are more than willing to admit that you are their favorite. They love to dress you up and put bows in your hair. Just like daddy and I, they mostly love to just scoop you up and hold you.

I love you more than you know, my sweet baby girl.

drake

2007-12-08T19:45:00.000-08:00

Drake,
You are 13 weeks old tomorrow and the sweetest baby. You weigh 12 pounds 1 ounce. Even though Jack has caught up to you, you still seem like the big boy because you have the biggest head!

You were Baby B and at 32 weeks you passed up Jack as the biggest baby. It was that gorgeous head of yours that did it - your head was the size of a 36 week singleton at 32 weeks. We called you Bubba, but the name never really stuck. You were on my left side, in a breech position. You moved the most of all the babies. I loved your sweet little tapping.

When you first came home from the hospital, you were the calmest of the babies, the one I thought of as my rock. You would sleep and sleep. I would wake you up to feed you and you would go right back to sleep. You could sleep the longest because you had the most weight and you still are a great sleeper. You have slept through the night a few times already, but most of the time daddy and I wake you up just so we can get back to sleep.

Since you were about 6 weeks old, you have earned the reputation as the fussiest during the day. You are such a gorgeous baby, you are even beautiful when you cry. You were the first to smile and when you are calm, there's nothing that can beat it.

You look a lot like Grace did when she was a baby. Holding you has reminded me of little things about her that I had forgotten. Your eyes look like mine. They are still dark blue with some gray, but I expect they will turn green with a little brown like my eyes (and Lillie's). Your ears and toes are like mine - your second toe is longer than your big toe. Your hairline and forehead seem more like your dad's. When you were in the hospital and first home, you rarely opened your eyes. Lucky me, I get to look into those beautiful eyes every day.

I love you, my sweet boy.

jack

2007-12-08T19:41:00.000-08:00

Jack,
You are 13 weeks old tomorrow and such a wonderful little boy. You weigh 12 pounds 4 ounces and it still surprises me a little to see you looking so chubby. You looked like a funny old man when you were first born (a little like Inconceivable in The Princess Bride), you had a wrinkled little forehead and not much hair, but now you have chunky legs and arms and a calmness about you.

You were Baby C and until 32 weeks you were the big baby, the one we called Chancho. You were on my right side, in a transverse breech position, stuck way up in my ribs. So stuck that I didn't feel you move as much as the other babies. At the hospital your eyes started turning light blue and now you have these amazing blue eyes just like your dad's. Looking at his baby pictures, you look the most like him. Your ears are exactly like his. Your eyes have just a touch of me to them (just a bit at the corners), and the shape of your head might be more from my side.

When you first came home from the hospital, you were the fussiest of the babies, but for weeks now you have been the calmest. I have to be sure to take time to pick you up and hold you because you don't always demand it. Your cry has a tremble to it that breaks my heart a little bit, but you are easily soothed. You like to walk and you like the swing and you like to stare at the ceiling fan.

You are smiling a lot these days and I love it. I love how easily you smile. I love you, my sweet boy.

sleep

2007-11-21T01:16:00.000-08:00

10 weeks old

We are sleeping much better. For the last two weeks, the babies have been pretty much going to sleep at 8 pm, waking up around 2 am for a feeding, and then sleeping again until 7 am. We have switched our shifts to whole nights. Tonight is my night to feed them, but tomorrow night I will sleep the whole night. A full night sleep is an incredible thing. The babies are only 10 weeks old (and only 5 weeks adjusted) so I think we are doing really well. Better than I expected.

When our little trio came home from the hospital, they were on a three hour schedule. They were pretty much eating at 9, 12, 3, and 6 around the clock. Once we moved to shifts, that meant that I fed the babies at 8:30 or 9 (which was difficult because that is my older girls' bedtime) and hopefully they were asleep by 10 or so. Then, I would feed them at 12 (changing and feeding takes about 45 minutes to an hour) and then hopefully I would get another hour or so of sleep. When they woke up for their 3 am feeding, I would wake up David and go to sleep until 8 while he handled the 3 and 6 am feedings.

Some nights were just ridiculous in between feedings. One baby (usually one of the boys) would leak through their outfit, then another baby would poop, and then another baby would spit up all over. It would have been funny if I hadn't been so tired. They seemed to at least take turns with that kind of stuff, but sometimes they'd all be going at once and it seemed like the only thing to do was just cry along with the babies (except. no. I still had to do what I had to do). I had plenty of days and nights where I felt like I had just hit a wall and I couldn't keep going. But, of course, there weren't a lot of other options, so I did. Luckily, my mom was here during that time and I was able to have her help during the day (although I remember thinking to myself many times that if I was that overwhelmed when she was helping us, how bad was it going to be when she was gone - but thankfully things have been less overwhelming and it's mainly due to getting better sleep and the fact that each of these little guys are really very mellow).

Before the babies were born, everything we read about triplets said to put them on the same schedule. If one baby woke up, wake them all up. If one baby was changed, change them all. We did this in the beginning, but after reading the first part (I haven't had time to read the rest) of Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, I decided that we were just putting them all on the worst baby's schedule and training them to continue to wake up every three hours. So, we let them sleep (especially at night). For awhile this meant that we had staggered feedings and we might get no sleep on our feeding shift. But, the upside was that we often only had one baby awake and we could hold the baby (instead of propping all three babies' bottles) and just focus on that baby which was a lot less hectic. We also tried to get the babies on a four hour schedule during the day to at least have a four hour schedule at night. If a baby was obviously hungry, we would feed them, but we tried to push their feedings farther apart a little every day. And before very long (by about 6 weeks - I think it took about a week of letting the babies wake on their own) they were down to two feedings at night (about 1 am and 4 am).

On Halloween, I was home alone with the babies and they all three freaked out on me. Three crying babies is pretty overwhelming, so I decided just to change each of them, swaddle them, give them a bottle and put them to bed (even though it had only been two hours since their last feeding). Amazingly, they were all asleep by 7:30. Having them all asleep before I wanted to go to sleep was just great. Even more amazing, they slept until their regular 1 am feeding. The Healthy Sleep Habits book I read said that putting the babies to bed earlier would help them sleep better, but I'd been a little reluctant to put it to the test until they were a little older (although that had definitely been the case with Lillie compared to Grace - Lillie was sleeping through the night by 3 weeks old and did much better on an earlier bedtime, but we had kind of accidentally found that out and I just thought she was a better sleeper).

I decided to keep trying the earlier bedtime and it has worked wonderfully. By 8 weeks (the day after my 8 week blog entry, because I almost blogged the next day when they had slept 7 hours between feedings!) they were only waking up once a night. And just to have that 8 pm bedtime has been incredible. I have time to just relax and hang out with the big girls and when it's time to go to bed I can just go to sleep.

And now I get a full night's sleep every other night. Getting that sleep makes such a difference in how I cope with the babies during the day. When I'm rested I feel like I can handle almost anything (and when I'm not, even little things can just bring me down).

It's 3 am and I'm waiting for Jack to wake up. I'm tempted to wake up him so that I can feed him so that I can go back to sleep, but I'm hoping that letting them sleep for as long as they want to will help the babies eventually sleep through the night.

I think it's time for me to at least close my eyes and get some rest, but I think it's important to take the time to record this stuff before I forget it. I feel so lucky to have these three new people in our lives and to get to help them and see them grow and love them. My family is my life and it's a fabulous life. I would never have chosen to have triplets and if I could I would have had these three just one at a time, but from the first day I couldn't imagine not having each of them. They are all so sweet and so loved. And, while we have to parent them differently because they came all at the same time (and I have definitely mourned that loss) they are all loved as deeply and as surely as any baby could be.

A good friend of mine emailed me that her daughter wants to have four babies all at the same time because she wishes that she was the same age as her brothers and sister. I wrote, "She might want to think about having babies just two at a time - then there's one for each hand and one for each parent. A little more convenient than being totally outnumbered." She wrote back "May being totally outnumbered bring out surprising strengths in you". At the time I thought that that was a nice thought, but easier to say than to live. But, the more I think about it, the sweeter it is.

It really is time to close my eyes now. Good night.

birth story

2007-11-11T13:38:00.000-08:00

I had been having a lot of contractions on Saturday and Sunday but I hadn't been counting them. Sunday I took a nap and when I woke up around 2 pm I decided to start keeping track. They were coming pretty regularly every five minutes. After an hour, I told David and he started timing them. They kept coming regularly and around 4 or so we started to talk about calling the doctor. We knew if we called they would tell us to come in to get checked. And we knew if we came in they would do a C-section. I was 35 weeks and 1 day and every doctor in the practice (except my own) was pushing me to just schedule the C-section for 35 weeks. But, the contractions weren't stopping and they were getting a little harder, so we called.

They told me not to eat or drink anything and come in. I had forgotten to give myself a heparin injection that morning, so that was good. We made arrangements for the girls and packed a bag and headed to the hospital around 7 pm.

They put me on a monitor - the contractions were still coming every 2-4 minutes. I was in early active labor. I hadn't progressed very far and part of me wished I had just stayed home because I really wanted those babies to be as healthy as possible, but I knew to go back home would be stupid and frankly the idea of getting back in the car was exhausting.

We waited around and phoned our family and then around 10 pm they took me down to the delivery room. David waited outside while they numbed me up. Soon after, I started to feel like I couldn't catch my breath and I had to vomit. Once I did, I felt much better and felt like I could breathe again.

David came in and they checked to see that the anesthesia had worked. It had and they opened me up. I tried not to think about what was happening (as far as the surgery). At 10:23 pm, the doctor pulled out Britta. We don't have photos or video of our other births and hadn't intended to take photos this time. Sometimes getting the shot can get in the way of actually just being in the moment. But, David did have his camera in his pocket and the doctor insisted he take a picture before he would pull out the next baby. At 10:24, Drake was out and at 10:25, Jack was here.

They showed the babies to me over the drape and I just remember thinking how round their little heads were. Britta was taken to another room because they weren't equipped for three babies in the room.

I started to feel nauseated again and threw up again. They took me to a recovery room (and I threw up again in the elevator - the girls asked me about it later and at first I had no idea what they were talking about until I remembered that I was on a gurney and threw up into a little basin). In the recovery room we called our parents and other family and waited for the sensation to come back into my legs. While we were waiting they brought Jack to me to nurse. He didn't get the idea, but I was glad to get a good look at his little face and just to hold him.

They brought me up to my room where I tried to sleep but didn't have much luck because the nurses' came in to check my vital signs every hour. The babies had all spent the night in the regular nursery. The next day I got to see Drake and Britta, but Jack was sent to the NICU because his blood sugar level was 40 and they like it to be above 40.

The girls came that afternoon to see the babies and were wonderful with them from the start. They held them and fed them and were just so natural and comfortable with them. I didn't see Jack that day because I was feeling pretty terrible and could hardly get out of bed. The next day I went and when I held him I remember thinking about well I will get to know this little boy. Because I wasn't able to hold him or see him as much as the others, it was comforting to remind myself how well I would be able to get to know him.

The next three days are a bit of a blur. I was surprised that my appetite wasn't back. It seems that my problem wasn't so much that my stomach was squished by the babies, but more that being anemic had suppressed my appetite. I forced myself to eat some, but it just seemed like work. When I got home from the hospital I had lost 30 pounds of the 50 I had gained. By my two week check up, I had lost 45 pounds and by my six week check up and I was seven pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. I had pictured myself with 50 pounds to lose and no time to exercise, so I'm glad to not have that on my plate (har har), but I wouldn't recommend the triplet diet.

The first few days I didn't know if nursing was going to work, because I wasn't even trying with Jack (he had an IV in his head and was attached to so many wires and it just seemed hard) and the other babies weren't really getting it. Drake was the first to latch on well and with the help of the lactation consultant, I got both Britta and Drake nursing some by the second day. Pumping was definitely more frustrating than I thought it would be, but I just decided to do it every three hours while I was in the hospital and see if things got better. They did. By the time we left the hospital, Britta and Drake were nursing pretty well and I was pumping 4-5 ounces for Jack every time I pumped. I also finally tried nursing Jack, and he got the hang of it almost right away. Since Jack came home I have stopped pumping (I just couldn't seem to find the time and I felt I just needed to let something go) and the nursing has gone really smoothly. It is just supplementary, but I'm so glad that I didn't give up on the first day when I was so tired and overwhelmed by the thought.

The five days that Jack was in the NICU were tough.Finding the time to go and leaving the other babies at home was hard and then leaving Jack was hard. The whole pregnancy we had tried to prepare ourselves for the fact that all three of our babies would likely be in the NICU, but you just can't prepare yourself. We only had one and he never had any serious concerns and it was still tough.

Once I was home I was still very sore (but things were a little better every day) and for some reason my back was just incredibly sore. I would catch myself in the mirror every day just hunched over and I had a hard time just standing up straight (I still have some back pain and still catch myself hunching over, but not like those first weeks). In spite all of that, I was glad to just be able to stand and walk and do things that I couldn't do when I was on bedrest. I did things I had been itching to do for months like clean out the junk drawer and clip my toenails.

The toughest time I had since the babies were born was October 16th (I remember because it was two days before my shower). The night before I had had such intense back pain I was literally writhing and crying on the couch. I had another painful episode that morning and also suspected I had a UTI (I did) and I went to the doctor. He gave me a prescription for antibiotics and basically told me there wasn't anything he could do for my back. The antibiotics made me incredibly nauseated and I was miserable. I felt like throwing up, my back was outrageously painful, and on top of that I had a fever and chills from the UTI. My mom and David were great and let me nap all day and I got a new prescription that made me feel less nauseated. That night I was still feeling miserable and David took the whole shift that night and I got to sleep for 12 hours. It was amazing. To let me sleep that long was one of the best gifts David has ever given me.

Babies are waking up, so I will leave things there for now.

9 weeks

2007-11-11T13:10:00.000-08:00

The babies were only 20 days old in this picture, and they look so much tinier than are today.

The babies are doing great. They are exhausting at times, but we have been getting babysitters almost once a week and the break is really good for all of us. David and I took them to Target just to do it yesterday. It went fine, but we were both a little on edge the whole time. I think we need to just do it to get used to it, though.

They are going to bed by 7:30 or 8 every night, which is a great mental break. They are down to one feeding a night (although Jack had two feedings last night) which makes for a little more sleep at night. We're going to put them in their own room sometime this next week. The more sleep we get, the easier it is to deal with the babies during the day.

It seems like there should be more to say, but it's just the same thing every day. Juggling three babies and finding time to be with the older girls, get our work done, get dinner on, and just all the other things that we need to do is just a little harder to do.

The babies are getting bigger and chubbier all the time. They are wonderful and sweet. Caring for three babies is tricky, but I feel like we are figuring it out. I know how quickly they change and grow in the first year and I am looking forward to all of it.

8 weeks

2007-11-04T13:40:00.001-08:00

This photo was taken when the babies were six weeks old

All of the babies are asleep. I have a thousand things I should do, but I think an update would be nice. My mom was here for the first six and a half weeks, which was an absolute life-saver. We had four days on our own and then David's mom came and will leave tomorrow.

Having triplets is crazy. It's really intense and amazing and miraculous and hard. They are wonderful and all of the babies are pretty mellow, but the reality of taking care of three babies is tough. I expected it to be hard but actually living it is a whole different thing.

The hardest part is the sleep deprivation. At first we both got up with the babies in the night. After about two weeks of that, we were both just hardly able to function because we were so tired. We were getting only four or five hours of sleep a night and that was in one or two hour chunks. After one night where we probably slept for only an hour or so, David come up with the idea to sleep in shifts. David goes to bed around 8 or 9 pm and then gets up after I feed the babies around 3 am. Then, I go to sleep from 3 - 8 am. On the weekends I can sleep in longer. At first, those four to five hours blocks of sleep seemed amazing, but it didn't take long for it to feel like it still wasn't enough.

The good news is that the babies are sleeping better. They do cry it out some (with triplets, it isn't a matter of whether or not to let them cry it out, it's a matter of how much do you put yourself through to lessen their crying), but I think starting it this early will be better in the long run. I normally do whatever I can to keep them from crying too much during the day, but if they are fed, changed, and clearly tired at night, I will let them cry. They usually cry just a few minutes before they fall asleep. It's hard for me because I had the luxury of not letting my other two babies cry much at all, but we just couldn't survive without getting them on some sort of decent sleep schedule. Last night they were asleep by 8 pm and it was wonderful. We have decreased their feedings from three to two feedings a night and Britta and Drake have gone down to one a night the last few nights, so I'm feeling like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The girls are adjusting to the babies well. They really enjoy them and are very helpful with them, but they have had their moments where they have had a hard time with it. It's hard to deal with sleep deprived parents and the fact that any little thing we want to do becomes more complicated. We generally just do things in shifts because at this point taking the babies places is just too hard. The few times we have been out in public with them, we were absolutely a freak show. And, I know that I am going to get entirely sick of hearing that we have our hands full.

We have had a fun time getting to know each of the babies' personalities and taking care of them can also be a joy. It's not all sleep deprivation and crying and juggling which baby needs more care. It's also funny and sweet and great. I am trying to enjoy the babies now as they are and not wish this time away just because it's not easy and I think most of the time I am able to do that.

There's probably a better way to wrap this up, but I'm tired and should probably get to a few other things before the little sweeties wake up. The babies are wonderful, we are tired, and life is good.

September 9, 2007

2007-09-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

The babies were born Sunday, September 9th (at 35 weeks 1 day):

Britta-Elisabeth 5 lbs 8 oz
Drake-Gregory 6 lbs 0 oz
Jack-William 5 lbs 3 oz

They all three started out in the regular newborn nursery, but Jack's blood sugar was a little low and he was sent to the NICU Monday morning.-Britta,-Drake, and I came home a week ago Thursday night.-Jack came home on two days ago on Tuesday.

We feel very lucky to have gone through this pregnancy with few problems and that the kiddos are all healthy and doing well.

Having the babies at home hasn't been too hectic yet. We are getting less sleep with three home than with two, but we are taking naps and not freaking out from sleep deprivation just yet. My mom is here helping out and the girls are fabulous with the babies. Grace and Lillie love holding them and changing them and are an incredible help. While-Jack-was still in the hospital, David and I were able to go visit him together every day and it was wonderful that the girls were able to help Grandma watch the other two.

I was worried if I would be able to nurse them because they were premature and because we would be also be feeding them bottles, but after a slightly rough start, all three will take a bottle and all three will nurse. I'm very happy about that.

Here is a photo taken of Britta-and-Drake at three days old:

Here is a photo taken of-Jack-at one day old:

I'll post a photo of all three together after I get a chance to upload more photos.

The babies are beautiful, healthy, and it's absolutely amazing to me that they are here.

33 weeks 6 days

2007-08-31T17:20:00.000-07:00

From last week's exam (32 weeks 6 days):
Girl A: 4 lbs 14 oz
Boy B: 5 lbs 3 oz
Boy C: 5 lbs

At this point, the numbers are +/- 12 ounces, but the weights are consistent with what they've been in the past. Even at 12 ounces less, each baby weighs at least four pounds. My belly was measuring at 51 cm last week (and this week I measured my girth and it is 47 inches).

I had another appointment today and everything is holding steady. I have gained 50 pounds so far, which is good. They just took a quick look at all the babies' heartbeats and scheduled a C-section for three weeks from today. The doctor said it is more likely that I will have an unscheduled C-section between now and then, but it's nice to have a time and date set. Hopefully we can hold out a little longer, but the babies should be very safe at this point. Which feels good.

And now I need to lay down.

32 weeks 4 days

2007-08-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to update, but it's hard for me to sit up for more than a couple of minutes. Anytime I am up, my belly is tight and I start to get out of breath, so this'll be short.

I'm doing well for how far along I am - just not being in the hospital is good. At my 31 week appointment everything checked out great as usual except that when they monitored me for contractions I had seven in 40 minutes. They like to see less than six an hour so now I'm on medication to keep that under control. I had only been paying attention to the painful contractions - now that I know what the painless contractions are all about, I'm having A LOT more contractions than I thought I was.

I'm now going into the doctor's once a week (the only place I ever go and while I get bored it's enough for me). My 32 week appointment was uneventful, which is fabulous. The national average for delivering triplets is 32.1 weeks and our clinic's average is 33 weeks. At this point the babies' are (statistically) beyond the danger zone as far as survival and long term complications, so that feels really good.

At our 33 week appointment they will do another growth exam, so I will try to post the babies' estimated weights then. The doctor said that if nothing comes up (and I know that things can change at any time), they will deliver the babies between 36 and 37 weeks, so sometime in the next four weeks, there will be new little humans in the world.

28 weeks 6 days

2007-07-27T16:03:00.001-07:00

Girl A: 3 lbs 2 oz
Boy B: 3 lbs 10 oz
Boy C: 3 lbs 10 oz

Four weeks ago, the boys weighed 1 lb 13 oz and the girl weighed 1 lb 12 oz, so they've packed on quite a bit of weight (each are the weight of an average 31 weeker). I've gained eight pounds (over the last four weeks) and five of it went to the babies, so I'm very happy about that.

The pregnancy is going really well in that there are no signs of premature labor and no signs of toxemia or preeclampsia. I am feeling very large (because I am - I have now gained 45 pounds and am measuring at 45 cm - which is roughly 10 or so months pregnant) and I'm pretty uncomfortable most of the time. The doctor has not put me on bedrest officially, but I can't spend very much time upright or I just get too tired/weak/tight in the belly. So, I spend my time laying down on the couch and in bed. I'm so used to being uncomfortable (and often painfully uncomfortable) I really relish every moment I feel normal. I've started reading again - which is great, I need something besides TV to keep me occupied.

I'm very happy and lucky to have come this far with no complications. I hope everyone who reads this is doing well and having a wonderful summer!

22 weeks 4 days

2007-06-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

I had another doctor's appointment today. They didn't measure the babies today, they just measured their heartbeats. Everything looks good. Things are holding up really well so far. Many triplet moms are already on bedrest at this point, so I feel very lucky to still be up and about and feeling pretty good. I get tired easily and I take a nap every day and I sit around a lot, but I'm not throwing up and I feel pretty normal most of the time. I'm getting big and uncomfortable, but I know that this is as good as it's going to get for awhile.

I'm looking forward to the 24 week mark because the babies' chances of viability will increase every week we can get past that. Whenever people ask me when the babies are due, they get a long answer. Because with one I would be due October 13, but with three, it's really hard to say. The national average for triplets to be born is 33 weeks and the doctors won't let me go past 37 weeks. So, the very latest they could be born is September 22nd, but we would be really lucky to get that far. I'm hoping to make it to late August.

I've gained 25 pounds which is not that great, but the babies are measuring a little ahead of schedule (or were two weeks ago), and that's what really matters. I've been able to eat more these last few weeks and hopefully that will keep up. I think the weight I gain now will be the most important. I weigh more than I did when I was full term with either of the girls.

The babies are moving around a lot more which is cool. My belly seems huge to me (it feels about 8 months pregnant) but everyone tells me that I look small. I think they expect a freak show because there are three babies in there. The freak show is coming I'm sure, I'm just not sure I'll be leaving the house by the time I get that huge (not because I don't want to be seen, because I'll likely be on bedrest).

Grace talks about the triplets a lot more than Lillie does. She's always coming up with names (she spends a lot of time looking at popular baby names on the social security website and she's been campaigning hard for the name Hazel (she spent about 3 weeks trying to convince me to go with Piper and has since tired of it herself). We're still thinking about Elsa, Ingrid, Greta, and, yes, Hazel. Our boy choices remain Will, Frank, and Jack. Maybe Jesse and maybe John, too. David likes Peter because it's a family name. I'm not as keen on it, but I like it for a middle name.

I was thinking that Lillie was maybe a little more reluctant about their arrival, but yesterday we were talking about the fact that my mom is coming for a month and David's mom will come a little after that. Lillie said, "The grandmas aren't going to hog all the babies, are they?" I just laughed and told her there were more than enough babies to go around and anytime she wants to hold one, she can.

The phases of finding out that we're having triplets has so far gone like this: shock, denial, acceptance, shock, denial. I was starting to get used to the idea, but as it gets closer and a little more real I still can't believe we're going to have three babies. I know it's going to be amazing in so many ways, but I don't think it will really sink in until they are here. Then, I suppuse I'll just be too busy to analyze how I feel.

20 weeks 4 days

2007-05-30T17:18:00.000-07:00

Girl A = 14 oz
Boy B = 15 oz
Boy C = 1 lb

The babies are all growing right on schedule. I'm also doing fine. There are no signs of premature labor, so that's a relief. Now it's time for me to lay down.

feeling crafty

2007-05-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

Not Martha Stewart crafty. The girls won't say the word 'crap' (where they get their sense of decorum, I don't know, David and I are not the best examples) so Lillie says 'craft' instead.

Yesterday almost every time I stood up my stomach felt tight and I felt lightheaded and just kind of odd. So, I spent most of the day lying down, sitting, and napping. In the evening I felt closer to normal. Today I woke up feeling weird again except my stomach hurt worse. I threw up, took a nap, and now I'm feeling a little better. I even got a little work done.

I have a doctor's appointment today, which I'm very happy about. Hopefully they'll tell me this feeling in my stomach is a mix of growing babies and indigestion, not contractions.

I'm starting to feel little movements from the babies. Not the thump thump thump yet that I remember with the girls, but the early flutterings.

If I'm feeling up to it, I'll update after the appointment.

when it comes to the competition, i got none

2007-05-25T13:53:00.000-07:00

I don't read much anymore. Nighttime used to be my time to read, but with this pregnancy it's my time to feel queasy and tired. In January I read Anne of Green Gables (at Grace's recommendation) and enjoyed it. I'm sure I would have loved it as a kid. I read Anne Tyler's Celestial Navigation and it was very good, but it took a little to get into it (everything and everyone was so musty and off, it just bothered me) and I was very dissatisfied with the ending. When I was first pregnant (but didn't know it yet), I read The Birthdays by Heidi Pitlor. It's a book about three siblings. The oldest son is dealing with his conflicting emotions about his wife's pregnancy (he is paralyzed and the wife was inseminated by a donor), the next oldest son's wife is pregnant with twins after IVF, and the youngest sister is pregnant but doesn't know who the father is. It was a good book, but not great. Each of the characters were very real, but flawed to the point where they were never very likeable.

After I found out I was pregnant with triplets, I read I Sleep at Red Lights by Bruce Stockler. It was a funny, enjoyable book about having triplets. I also read When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads, which has proven to be a useful resource.

My latest read was Raising Multiple Birth Children and I enjoyed it, but it gave me much more of a sense of panic. Most of the book portrays life with triplets as insanely hectic and outrageously hard. I'm not saying that I think it won't be, but I'm looking for tips on how to reduce that, not a medal for what I'm going to go through. There was this attitude of look how hard I have it as a parent. I understand that to a point (get together with any group of mothers and eventually you'll hear all the horror stories about their labors - you go through something like that, you want to talk about it). But, frankly, I'm kind of tired of the whole idea that parenting is some sort of a competition.

One quote that really bothered me was "I laugh when I see those singleton parents who look like sleep-deprived marathon runners with one child in their grocery cart." Excuse me? How can this person assume her life as a triplet mother is always harder? She doesn't know anything about that "singleton" parent. Maybe she has four more kids at home. Maybe her baby has colic. Maybe she is totally sleep-deprived.

They also made a big deal about the fact that people will tell you that they have an idea of what you're going through because they had three little ones in diapers, but "it's not the same". Sure, it's not the same, but it's close. And, for many, maybe even harder. My sister-in-law at one point had a two year old, a one year old, and a newborn. That's beyond tough. My hairdresser (and my good blogging friend, Jen) had a young toddler and newborn twins. I think that could be harder than triplets, because one is mobile. They are in different stages, which would be really hard.

And, all babies are different. If I have three babies like Lillie (she was always very content and slept through the night at just a few months old) it will be very different from three babies like Grace (she cried a lot, didn't sleep through the night consistently until she was two, and I walked her for miles and miles).

I guess we're all just trying to make sense of the world. But, I'm tired of adults trying to one-up each other with their stuff and their hardships and their choices. I suppose all I can do is try not to fall into that myself. Talk to me in five months, I guess.

names and update

2007-05-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

About three months before I got pregnant I had a dream that I had triplet boys. I told them that they could name themselves and the names they chose were: Joe, Joey and Joel. Uggh. I decided letting them name themselves was probably not a good idea. So, I decided to go with Will, Frank, and Elsa. (I don't like your name choice and you might just turn into a girl). Those are still my top names. Mainly because we can't agree on anything else. That, and every time we start talking about names it just turns into a game of finding the worst name ever. David spent about an hour one day trying to find a name that ends in -o that I would agree to (think Columbo).

Despite the dream, I was not expecting triplets. At all. Our doctor had told us that our chance of twins was 8% and our chance of triplets was less than 1%. Honestly, it was getting to the point where I wasn't expecting to have another baby at all.

We had another ultrasound this week (we'll have an ultrasound every two weeks from here on out and at some point it will move up to a weekly deal) and things looks good. I haven't gained as much weight as the books recommend, but the babies are measuring well (Girl A is 10 oz, Boy B is 10 oz, and Boy C is still Chancho at 11 oz), which is what matters. We had a very extensive ultrasound and everything looks good (as far as ultrasounds can tell), so that's a relief.

I'm still feeling queasy from time to time but I haven't thrown up in two weeks and I'm feeling much more normal. I get tired easily and I take naps every day. I'm starting to get big (at 18 weeks I look 6-7 months pregnant) and have times already when I can't get comfortable. I'm sure I haven't seen anything yet.

big news

2007-05-01T14:02:00.000-07:00

Baby A = GIRL!
Baby B = BOY!
Baby C = BOY!

We're so excited we were able to find out! It's nice to be able to narrow down all the name possibilities a little bit. And, it makes everything seem a little more real.

I've got sick kids, so I can't write more.

I won!

2007-04-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

There's a new blog out there, Tangled and True, that features some really cute stuff. I happened to win their latest giveaway from National Badger. Isn't this cute?

Perfect for the triplets' room.

What a great day. Free stuff and no vomiting. I think this nausea is slowly starting to lift (I say that whenever I have a good hour and then BAM! but hopefully...).

so far

2007-04-05T14:16:00.000-07:00

(At 12 weeks, 3 days)
Baby A: 6.04 cm
Baby B: 5.83 cm
Baby C: 6.54 cm

The girls are calling Baby C Chancho because s/he's the biggest. They were calling him Chancho when he was a millimeter bigger, though. It's fun to say Chancho.

Things are going well. I have had some pretty bad days with throwing up, but Zofran works for that. I'm tired of eating all the time, but there's nothing I can do about that. It is what it is. I've gained 15 pounds already. Usually at this point I've lost weight, but for a triplet pregnancy it's very good to have gained the weight. I'll probably put on another 40-50 pounds. David's hoping I pass him up, so I'll weigh more than him. I'm not so anxious for that day, but I do want each of the babies to be a healthy weight.

I'm still in a bit of shock about three babies. I'm not quite sure how it's all going to work out, but it will. (Right?)

1-2-3

2007-03-30T14:41:00.000-07:00

alternate titles for this post:
how many?
triple trouble
three! (and the more sedate: three)
2+3=5
crazy/awesome
very, very, very pregnant
three times the fun

Our girls didn't have much of a response when we told them I was pregnant. They weren't upset or anything, it was just "Okay". A good okay, I think, but just okay.

When we came back from our first ultrasound and showed them the pictures and had them guess how many babies there were, that's when their faces lit up and they properly freaked out. Three heartbeats. Three babies. Triplets.

We've seen them two more times since then and they are all growing well and looking like very small humans. Big heads, little hands, all of that. It's amazing. And a little insane.

I don't quite know how it's all going to work out, but we are thrilled (and overwhelmed, too). Hopefully I will feel well enough to share the ride.

testing

2007-03-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

So, about six weeks ago I took a home pregnancy test. As soon as I had taken it, I regretted it. I've had nothing but negatives from those things in the last two years, and I just wasn't sure I was ready for another negative. I mean, if I wasn't pregnant, finding out is obviously inevitable, but I just didn't want to deal with that negative right then.

I went and unloaded the dishwasher. My hands were shaky and the dishes were clattering. The timer went off and I knew it was time to face whatever the truth was. Or probably was. David came out of the bathroom holding the test, looking confused, asking what this meant. I thought for sure he was looking at a negative and that's why he wasn't sure. But as soon as I looked at the test, I saw it. A positive. "I'm pregnant!" I couldn't believe it.

I still can't believe it.

This pregnancy has been very different from my other two. I plan to blog more about it all, I just haven't felt well enough to do much of anything. Luckily, I'm not throwing up very much. Which is awesome. No hyperemesis this time. But, I do feel nauseated and tired and hungry pretty almost constantly. When that lifts (hopefully) in the next few weeks, I plan to get back into blogging mode.

We'll see.

important news

2007-02-15T10:48:00.000-08:00

Ed Helms is now a regular on the Office. I was wondering what happened to Andy. I Googled it and found out that on a producer's cut he was sent to anger management. Awesome. I hope he's back soon.

2007-02-15T09:35:00.000-08:00

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
by Mark Haddon

This will not be a funny book. I cannot tell jokes because I do not understand them.

I missed this book in the last post. This was a wonderful read. The story is told by an autistic 15 year old, Christopher. It's start out with the murder of his neighbor's dog. Christopher decides to solve the mystery. In the process we learn about his mixed up family and his odd, sweet world. The book is quirky and funny and sad. I highly recommend it.

july-december 2006 reading

2007-02-12T08:21:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure that this a not a complete list. It's sad how quickly I forget things if I don't write them down. I did have a good long dry spell for reading the last few months of the year. Every time I sat down to read a book I just felt restless and I couldn't concentrate. But, these are the books that kept my attention and that I still remember that I read.

Digging to America
by Anne Tyler

Tyler is one of my favorite authors and this book is a great example of what I love about her. This is the story of two families whose lives become connected when they both adopt baby girls from Korea. Tyler writes from different family members' points of view and you get to know and care about the characters. This is classic Tyler where you are just given a slice of life without resolutions or endings. Sometimes that's a hard way to leave characters that you want to have happy endings, but this book still satisfies.

The Time Travelers Wife
by Audrey Niffenegger

This is fluffy, escapist science fiction. Which doesn't sound like a book I would be interested in, but it's a wonderful book. It absolutely sucked me in. It's over 500 pages long, but at the end of the book I didn't want the story to end. The story is about a man, Henry, who time travels and his wife Claire. The book begins when they meet. She has known him since she was six years old. He has never met her. The story jumps around in time (Henry is 38, Claire is 10; Henry is 30, Claire is 15) and you piece together things Claire has already experienced and Henry has yet experienced. The author does a very good job of keeping the story cohesive and believable enough. The only thing that got a little old were the descriptions of their intimate life together. Most of these scenes were done well, but from time to time her descriptions were too trite or too graphic or just plain tiresome. Besides that small complaint, this was a great book.

Love in the Driest Season
by Neely Tucker

This is the true story of a couple who move to Zimbabwe and end up trying to adopt an orphan. Although the baby has been entrusted to their care, the authorities don't trust their motives (the father is white and the mother is black and many times they are asked why a white man would be interested in a black child) and the country's general policy is to forbid foreign adoptions. Even knowing that the story has a happy ending (there's a beautiful picture of the family at the beginning of the book), the book is riveting. Tucker does a wonderful job of weaving together the intimate story of their family and the broader story of Zimbabwe and AIDS.

Night
by Elie Wiesel

Fast, powerful read. Eli Wiesel's account of his time as a teenager in Auschwitz was heartbreaking.

worst mnemonic device ever

2007-02-09T10:12:00.000-08:00

Today on the way to school, Lillie and I were reviewing her spelling words. The only one she was still having a little trouble with was information. She asked me to make up a phrase that would help her remember it. We'd done that once before with a shorter word and it had helped. But, information? A little tougher.

This is what we came up with:
I Need Food On Rabbits Made At The Icey Orange Needle.

Then, we decided that the "tion" was the only part she was having a hard time with so we just focused on that:
The Icey Orange Needle
Tuna In Orange Napkins
Tea In Orange Nests

Ahh, good times.

2007-02-07T08:44:00.000-08:00

And now let us welcome the New Year
full of things that have never been.
-Rainer Maria Rilke

In honor of my two year bloggiversary, I thought I'd actually post. I almost posted this quote at the beginning of the year, but I couldn't get my thoughts out right. Mostly because they were all over the map.

This quote is actually very fitting as I look back on the last two years. I doubt I would have welcomed all the new things that came at me in 2005 and 2006. I had no idea on February 7, 2005 that I was actually homeschooling both girls for the last year. In fact, I was feeling better and more competent about homeschooling than I ever had. But, the truth is that as much as I miss it (and I do miss it), school is good for the girls. They like it. I think Lillie has the best deal with cutting out early every day, but it works for both of them.

I felt sad reading our typical day because those were good days and I'm glad we had them. I'm also glad to see that I moved away from homeschool-centric posts pretty quickly because they were a bore.

It's funny because I actually feel nostalgia for the first year of blogging. I discovered Amira, Susan and Jen who are all stilling blogging. Crapples, Gabby, and Motherofall are no longer blogging. Ned is in that in-between stage where he posts now and then. The angry mormon was going strong and Banner of Heaven was irritating and entertaining and Unofficial Manifesto was a fun place to be.

The whole blog-world was this interesting place to be. Commenting was fun. Now, I read a post and even if I have something to say it rarely feels worth my time to comment. Which, in some ways is good. I like that I spend less time on the computer these days. But, I do miss the relationships that I had built up and I do miss writing. I'd like to get back to it. There's so much here in this blog that I'm glad I have written down. We'll see, though. I'm not sure how much of my silence has been that I was no longer sure what I wanted to share in a public forum and how much was just running out of material.

The new year will be full of things that have never been. Let's just hope they are good ones.

Thomas Patrick Farrelly

2006-09-10T20:59:00.000-07:00

Thomas Patrick Farrelly
March 17, 1947 - September 11, 2001

In April 1978, Tom was working as a math teacher. Before a school field trip, he wrote a "permission slip" to the nurse's parents, who were deaf: Could she go as chaperone? On condition, he added, that she marry the teacher?

Tom proposed to the nurse on top of the World Trade Center.

By September 11, 2001, Tom was a computer programmer at Accenture in the World Trade Center. He and his wife, Virginia, had four nearly grown children. The daughters ran on their college cross-country teams. The sons were Eagle Scouts. In August, Mr. Farrelly took his sons and fellow scouts, who called him Smiles, kayaking in Maine. "He always told us to keep smiling," said his oldest child, Erin, 22. "It was the way he approached things."

Ms. Farrelly suspects her father would have remained a math teacher had the salary allowed him to raise his large family. He was good at it. He had tutored his children, their cousins, his friends' children. "I think teaching was what he liked best," she said.

He coached cross-country, too, and attended the children's meets. Personal bests impressed him. "He always asked if we did a P.B.," Ms. Farrelly said.

Thomas P. Farrelly — the P is for Patrick — was born on St. Patrick's Day. His mother used to tell him the parade was for him. For a while, Erin Farrelly says, he believed it.

Tom had a wonderful disposition, a warm Irish smile, an easy laugh, and was known for his kindness. He was a devoted husband, father, and friend. Tom was 54 years old.

I remember Thomas Patrick Farrelly.

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
The sun shine warm upon your face,
The rain fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand
- Traditional Irish Blessing

Source: New York Times Tribute

Read another Tribute

first day of school, again (this time with smiles)

2006-08-28T14:30:00.000-07:00

We pulled Lillie from the charter school the next Monday. Friday went alright, but over the weekend she was still crying off and on about going to school on Monday. We talked with her cousins about the neighborhood school who have gone there and decided to try that. The charter school is very strict and while she was slowly getting used to it, David (who also spent a few hours in her class the first week) and I decided we weren't even sure we wanted her to get used to it. The only time they could really talk was during lunch and recess and it just seemed unnecessarily rigid.

So, Lillie got last week off and started school today. We've decided to start off doing just four hours a day. She was a little sad when I left her today, but when I picked her up she told me was fine about 3 minutes after I left (she was wearing her watch). She was very happy with her teacher. She made friends with the girl next to her and they played with her younger cousin at recess. Lillie was really glad to get to see her cousin at recess. And, while there was no one she knew in her class, she saw plenty of kids she knows from church while she was there. Which is nice.

She also told me that she does better when I'm not there (the only hard part of the day was saying goodbye to me). I had come for the first hour at her request, but even she realized that it would be better to say goodbye at the start tomorrow.

After school, Lillie was even talking about going a full day in a few weeks, but I actually don't care what she chooses one way or the other. I just like that she likes it.

you don't bring flowers anymore

2006-08-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

Summer has been busy. We were busy having fun and busy being lazy. Forgive me for never making any jokes. Or even offering a boring update.

This was our first week of school and it was one big ball of stress. Grace has been fine but Lillie has not. For the first time in a while, I've actually had stuff I'd like to write about, but I have just barely had the time to get any work done, much less blahg. Lillie decided to go to school this year. On paper it seemed fun, but she has been pretty miserable with the reality. Each day has gotten better. I' ve come into class quite a bit and today is her first full day without me. I know that she is okay, but it's still hard. Not as hard as the other days, but hard.

We found out that there is an option to go half-days (and homeschool the other half) and at first we were thinking this was the answer to all of our problems. It still may be, but I'm starting to lean toward just doing the full day. Yesterday I was hardly at school and besides the goodbye, she was fine. I think she was even a little proud of herself for handling it. A few hours in the morning with me is alright (and I'm happy to do it), but I think in the end the hassle of running over to the school three times a day and the weirdness of being the one kid who gets to skip mornings may outweigh the benefits.

We'll figure it out. And, I'll probably write about it. At some point I hope to get back to writing a few times a week, but right now I think this blog will just have to stay on the backburner until further notice.

not today either

2006-07-18T08:08:00.000-07:00

I've got posts to write. Except I haven't been writing them. We have friends visiting for the rest of the week, so hopefully next week I'll have time to actually write something.

God's Will

2006-07-07T07:22:00.000-07:00

This is a slightly extended version of a comment I made in response to Stephen's lovely post about trusting in God.

When bad things happen, people like to talk about "God's will". You had a miscarriage? It was God's will. A toddler drowned? It was God's will.

I think the term "God's will" is tricky. Because God allows us agency and He allows awful things to happen to us. I don't think that He wants awful things to happen to us, (but the idea of "will" implies that he does), but it is alright when it does. Not that we are still happy or whole, but that in the end it is alright. Through God's love.

I don't know exactly what I mean. But, I think I'm getting close.

I think of Dean Moriarty

2006-07-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

We're going out of town. I should be back by the 5th or the 6th. Have a happy 4th of July!

Turning the World Around

2006-06-30T11:22:00.000-07:00

Turning the World Around
Roddy Frame

Wrestling with the shadows of the night
I feel my whole world slipping through my fists
It's like I've got nothing goin'
and what I know's not worth knowin'
Then the first burst of the yellow morning light
filters through the tracing paper mist
And I find myself freewheelin' through my fear
and those old feelings all take flight

It's like the sun releases my soul as they fall away
They're broken into pieces by the toll of the everyday
Love and small ambitions and good hearts run aground
The pull of our condition, turning the world around

Turning my world over in my head,
memories swimming round me chase their tails
A raging ocean brimming with hungry sharks, still circling
Seven seas all drowning me in dread,
drag me down again and shred my sails
Then she calls to talk and I'm clinging to the rock
of something simple that she said

Rain washed conversations, born from winter blues
Sprung from situations seen from somewhere new
August burned ecstatic, Autumn coming down
Tiny twists of magic, turning the world around

I am from

2006-06-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

We may lose and we may win
But we will never be here again
-Jackson Browne

I am from white houses with green shutters. I am from cement porches and slammed screen doors.

I am from Sesame Street, I Love Lucy, The Brady Bunch, and Happy Days. I am from Barbies and Hot Wheels. I am from basements and station wagons that have wood paneling. I am from bare feet on hot tar in the summer time. I am from lilacs and petunias. I am from Target and 7-11. I am from scary stories whispered in the dark. I am from lullabies.

I am from the little house, a brown lake house with two bedrooms and eight people.

I am from playing baseball in the grass, raking leaves and jumping in the piles. I am from Dick Van Dyke and M*A*S*H. I am from screaming and fighting. I am from laughing and shared secrets. I am from rusted out cars. I am from swimming in the lake, fishing, and canoeing. I am from walking to A&W in the summer and walking across the frozen lake in the winter. I am from blistered sunburns and frost bite.

I am from a geodesic dome. I am from new homes that never seem quite finished.

I am from The Cosby Show and Cheers and Friday Night Videos. I am from family home evening and family prayer and having the missionaries over for dinner every week. I am from frantic family trips. I am from squabbling and frustration. I am from seminary and stake dances and girls camp. I am from movies and Pizza and Perkins and cruising. I am from no rules and no curfew. I am from late night phone calls with the long cord pulled into my closet. I am from waterbeds and Ford Granadas. I am from good friends and good jokes.

Where are you from?

annoyed by...

2006-06-27T07:51:00.000-07:00

folks who think their email address begins with www. (this wouldn't bother me if I didn't have to sort through hundreds of emails every day).

mom bloggers who are lovely, smart, funny, and have interesting writing, but think they need to drop a lot of f-bombs to be hip (clearly they don't have children who are old enough to read over their shoulders).

james blunt's You're Beautiful song But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end. Ack, it's the neediest song.

that when I sleep on my face, I have lines from my eyes to my nose all morning.

I'm actually having a great morning and don't feel annoyed at all right now. It's a gorgeous day outside and I got all my work done in the first hour of the day. I just had this list saved in a draft from a few weeks ago and thought I'd post it. Blogs are meant to document the meaningless junk we think about, right?

break

2006-06-19T14:34:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a break from blogging this week. I don't feel like writing. I just want to get my work done and get out of the house.

I hope you have a nice week.

i carry your heart with me

2006-06-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

i carry your heart with me
e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

the dog

2006-06-15T08:42:00.000-07:00

So, Scooter is now 7 months old. We've had him for a little over 5 months. He's been potty trained for about 3 months (maybe a little less). And, he's great. He's just a lovely little fellow. The girls are still so in love with him. I really like him, too. I was worried about getting a dog. It's a big commitment to get a dog, but it turns out to be one we can handle. Go figure.

He's a good dog. He sleeps in his kennel all night (in fact, he loves his kennel). For the first three or four months, we just shut him in the laundry room at night. But, he started waking me up every morning around 3 or 4 am to go to the bathroom. We were going out of town, so we locked him in his kennel to see how he'd do. He loved it.

He is pretty independent and his main goal in life is the pursuit of food. When he was little he was a glutton for any kind of food. Now, he's a glutton for any kind of food except dog food. We made the mistake of feeding him our food as a reward for sitting and shaking, and now that's almost all he seems to care about. I'm the worst about it, but he's just so cute I can't resist.

It's good to have a dog.

school's out for summer

2006-06-13T09:25:00.000-07:00

Ahhh.. summer vacation is here. It was a good school year, but I'm happy about the break.

Lillie has decided to go to school next year. At first, she said she would homeschool if she didn't get into the charter school that Grace attends. Then, she decided that another year of homeschool would be "torture". Last year that would have hurt my feelings, but this year has been a lot different. I agree that she should go to school.

Lillie just hasn't had enough kids to play with. She's had some kids to play with some of the time, but not enough. We've gone to homeschool P.E. days and field trips, but we never connected with another family.

So, last Thursday was our last day of homeschool and I wasn't sad. Maybe a little, but not like I was last year on what I thought was our last day of homeschool. Yesterday I dropped off Lillie's registration papers for the school down the street. Just in case she doesn't get into the charter school. And it's good. As much as I loved homeschooling, I know that this is good.

another reason Google is awesome

2006-06-09T06:27:00.000-07:00

Have you checked out Sketchup yet? It's easy to create all sorts of cool stuff. Grace is having a great time with it.

After a hundred years

2006-06-09T06:26:00.000-07:00

After a hundred years
Emily Dickinson

After a hundred years
Nobody knows the place,--
Agony, that enacted there,
Motionless as peace.

Weeds triumphant ranged,
Strangers strolled and spelled
At the lone orthography
Of the elder dead.

Winds of summer fields
Recollect the way,--
Instinct picking up the key
Dropped by memory.

March, April, and May Reading

2006-06-08T07:19:00.000-07:00

Maus
by Art Spiegelman

Spiegelman tells the story of his father's experience as a Holocaust survivor. I was a little put off by the fact that it was a comic book. There's something jarring about combining cartoons with such serious history. But, the immediacy of the comic strip really brings the story and the reality of such an awful time to live. I plan on reading Maus II next.

Housekeeping
by Marilynne Robinson

Imagine the blank light of Judgment falling on you suddenly. It would be like that. For even things lost in a house abide, like forgotten sorrows and incipient dreams, and many household things are of purely sentimental value, like the dim coil of thick hair, saved from my grandmother's girlhood, which was kept in a hatbox on top of the wardrobe, along with my mother's gray purse. In the equal light of disinterested scrutiny such things are not themselves.

Good book. It was incredibly well written. The language was slow and fantastically done. It is about two girls whose mother leaves them at their grandmother's house and then drives herself into a lake. After the grandmother comes, they are cared for by spinster great aunts and then their mother's sister who was (and is at heart) a transient. The story itself lagged for me at times. I really enjoyed the end, though. All of the themes of the book came together. The main character has to choose between her sister and her aunt and, in a sense, her childhood or herself.

These Is My Words
by Nancy Turner

Fabulous book. This is the story of girl who travels with her family from Oregon to Texas to Arizona. The beginning is really intense and awful things happen to the family, but the story grips you and pulls you in.

The Myth of You and Me
by Leah Stewart

This was an interesting, easy read. It is the story of a 30 year old woman who is still dealing with her high school and college experiences. She is unable to put down roots and maintain real relationships. When her best friend from high school writes to her, the story of their relationship slowly comes out. It plays with the idea of who are in relation to our friends and how we change and bend for others.

March

Inconceivable
by Ben Elton

Novel about a British couple in their mid-thirties trying to have a baby. It was good, but not great. It was funny and had some interesting twists, but I don't know if I would have finished it if it didn't deal with infertility.

Songbook
by Nick Hornby
I read a lot of Nick Hornby, and by the time I picked up this book I think I was just a little tired of him. Although I'd probably have enjoyed another book of fiction. This book is self-indulgent meanderings about his favorite songs. It's just alright.

Follies
by Ann Beattie

Well written, but I couldn't care less about the characters or the story, for that matter. Not recommended.

hard morning - normal afternoon

2006-06-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

Lillie had a tooth pulled today. The tooth was ankylosed, so she had to go to an oral surgeon and be put under. I was nervous about it. They had a hard time finding her vein, but got her on the third try. She was completely calm about the whole thing even though she had about six wires attached to her, a blood pressure cuff, a thing over her nose, and some thing on her finger monitoring the oxygen in her nail bed.

When it was all over and I picked her up in recovery, she was awake but out of it. She kept asking if they were done yet, insisting she had never gone to sleep, then wanting to know if they had taken the needle out yet. She groggily picked out some toys and then we drove home. The whole time she kept asking if she had really gone to sleep, wanted to know if they had pulled out the tooth, or if they had pulled out the right tooth. She just kept repeating herself and she was pretty upset.

After we got home, she was upset that we wouldn't let her walk on her own (she clearly couldn't, but thought she could) and was in tears that we were treating her like she was sick. It was hard. She was just so sad and out of it. She was making sense, but she wasn't really processing anything we were saying to her.

Then, it seemed like her fog just lifted. She wanted to go to Target to pick out an art project and she wanted to go bike riding and just. like. that. life was back to normal.

Is a leather couch immoral?

2006-05-31T20:57:00.000-07:00

Last summer David and I had a philosophical discussion with Mr. and Mrs. Crapples (I love it that I can call someone - hi Tina - Mrs. Crapples)
about the morality of purchasing a leather couch. Not because of the cows involved, just the money. Crapples held that buying a leather couch was immoral. You can get something that functions just fine as a couch for far cheaper (even for nothing if you're not picky). My thinking was that as long as you can afford the couch, there's nothing wrong with greasing the wheels of capitalism and keeping the fine folks at R.C. Willey and Natuzzi employed. We give a certain amount to charity every month, pretty much regardless of what our other expenditures are. But, I won't give more because I chose not to buy something. Is that immoral? Is it more moral to give money away than let a business earn it?

It is an interesting question. Because at some point, I think it's obscene to spend X amount of dollars on a single item. Like, say, $800 for purse - one of my friends is into Louis Vuitton bags and regularly spends $500-$1,000 dollars on purses and bags. I would never do that. Is it immoral? I dunno. Before I throw my money away on a prestige item to sling over my shoulder I'd.. well, I'd probably just keep it in savings. But, I have no problem with someone spending a couple thousand dollars (or more) on a great trip. Is one intrinsically a more moral purchase than the other? I don't think so. I just value travel more than handbags.

It seems like that mythical obscene amount of money is always something more than what I earn or what I've saved. The grass is less green or in need of more care on the other side.

By the way, we bought these couches during a Memorial Day sale. My girls don't know we bought them yet (they'll be shocked - we've been sofa-hunting for months and they are convinced we'll never do anything more than look). This is the second set of couches we've bought since we were married. I like them and I don't feel guilty about them. Should I?

good song with bad lyrics

2006-05-30T08:57:00.000-07:00

Wonderful world
Don't know much about geography
Don't know much trigonometry
Don't know much about algebra
I don't know what a slide rule is for
(But I do know)
But I do know "one and one is two"
And if this one could be with you
(A wonderful world)
What a wonderful, wonderful world this would be
What a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful world

I don't know what a slide rule is for? That may be the weirdest phrase sung, ever. But, Paul Simon pulls it off. All of the lyrics to this song are really so odd, that the song should blow chunks. But, it doesn't.

I think it's almost impossible for a Paul Simon or a J.T. song to blow chunks, but it's not even that bad when Herman's Hermits does it.

Bonnie Raitt's song Nick of Time, has the opposite problem. It actually has pretty good lyrics, but the music itself is pretty lame.

I see my folks, they're getting old, I watch their bodies change
I know they see the same in me, And it makes us both feel strange
No matter how you tell yourself, It's what we all go through
Those eyes are pretty hard to take when they're staring' back at you
Scared you'll run out of time.

Then, there's Jump by Van Halen, which seems like just a medium song with meaningless lyrics, but when Aztec Camera sang it the lyrics had a different feeling.

memorial day

2006-05-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

An Irish Airman Foresees His Death
William Butler Yeats

I know that I shall meet my fate
Somewhere among the clouds above;
Those that I fight I do not hate,
Those that I guard I do not love;
My county is Kiltartan Cross,
My countrymen Kiltartan's poor,
No likely end could bring them loss
Or leave them happier than before.
Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,
Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,
A lonely impulse of delight
Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death.

Bloggernacle Code Quiz v. 1.0

2006-05-28T09:31:00.000-07:00

I'm <2 w 1s {0}JS </sn> +in-of µ I'M # --1-- _b_

If you know what the bloggernacle is, click. You'll laugh. Then, let me know your code.

It dropped so low in my regard

2006-05-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

It dropped so low in my regard
Emily Dickinson

It dropped so low in my regard
I heard it hit the ground,
And go to pieces on the stones
At the bottom of my mind;

Yet blamed the fate that fractured, less
Than I reviled myself
For entertaining plated wares
Upon my silver shelf.

Soul Patrol

2006-05-23T19:06:00.000-07:00

Kat did a really good job on her songs, but I think Taylor was the man. The last two songs were really awful. Why did they end on that crap? But we got to see who could make crap more palatable. Taylor's been my favorite from the beginning and I think he's going to win it.

Soul Patrol and McPheever

2006-05-16T19:05:00.000-07:00

It's an easy call tonight. Elliott goes home. He had fine performances but Taylor and Kat were both great. I thought the judges were strangely hard on Kat's last performance. Somewhere Over The Rainbow was incredible and every one of Taylor's songs were right on the money. Next week will be a much tougher call.

california

2006-05-16T10:30:00.000-07:00

We are heading to California (start singing the OC theme song - you know you want to) and I won't be blogging until Monday or so. If you want anything at Trader Joe's or IKEA, I'll be able to look at it for you.

Happy Mother's Day

2006-05-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

Maternal Caress, 1891, Mary Cassatt

Nature, The Gentlest Mother
Emily Dickinson

Nature, the gentlest mother,
Impatient of no child,
The feeblest or the waywardest,
Her admonition mild

In forest and the hill
By traveller is heard,
Restraining rampant squirrel
Or too impetuous bird.

How fair her conversation,
A summer afternoon,--
Her household, her assembly;
And when the sun goes down

Her voice among the aisles
Incites the timid prayer
Of the minutest cricket,
The most unworthy flower.

When all the children sleep
She turns as long away
As will suffice to light her lamps;
Then, bending from the sky

With infinite affection
And infiniter care,
Her golden finger on her lip,
Wills silence everywhere.

United 93

2006-05-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

September 11, 2001. Four planes were hijacked. Three of them reached their target. This is the story of the fourth.

We saw United 93 yesterday. It wasn't like going to a normal movie. Even one that says it is based on actual events. It was intense and an emotionally wrenching experience. The story is told in real time, jumping between scenes from United 93 and the National Air Traffic Control Center and a military command room. Many of the men in the control towers who were there that day played themselves in the film. What happens on the plane is reconstructed from cell phone calls placed by the passengers and trying to fill in the gaps.

The terrorists are not caricatures of evil but ordinary men. The movie is not political. It simply displays the day as it unfolds. The saddest part for me was a montage of people calling home and giving their last goodbyes. Even though we know the outcome, the movie is riveting.

Long Ride Home

2006-05-12T07:53:00.000-07:00

Long Ride Home
Patty Griffin

Long black limousine
Shiniest car I've ever seen
The back seat is nice and clean
She rides as quiet as a dream
Someone dug a hole six long feet in the ground
I said goodbye to you and I threw my roses down
Ain't nothing left at all in the end of being proud
With me riding in this car, and you flying through the clouds

I've had some time to think about you
And watch the sun set like a stone
I've had some time to think about you
On the long ride home

Headlights staring at the driveway
The house is dark as it can be
I go inside and all is silent
It seems as empty as the inside of me

beautiful day

2006-05-11T19:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a beautiful day today. David is outside with the girls and Scooter talking with the neighbors. I'll head out there in a minute, I just thought I'd try to write something.

Today we celebrated our 15th anniversary and it was just nice to spend the day together and not work. We had talked about some big trip to mark the occasion, but too many things have been up in the air to plan anything. Maybe this summer. The funny thing is, today I don't even care. Trips are great but what is even better is that the day-in day-out routine of our lives makes me happy. I'm still amazed that I met David and somehow he loves me and I get to spend my life with him.

Time just gets weirder every year. The days go by so fast it makes your head spin. At least these days are good days.

who is next to go?

2006-05-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

I didn't catch all of American Idol last night. I tuned in right after Taylor's second song (but I did catch Simon saying how great he was). Elliott's second song was fan-tas-tic. I thought Chris' second song really fell flat and Kat gave the worst performance of hers I've seen (which actually hasn't been too many). She was trying way too hard and it was not working.

Before last night, I thought Elliott was the next to go, but now I just don't know. If votes are based just on last night's performances, Kat and Chris are the bottom two and I think Kat goes home. If not, then Elliott goes home. Really, the only person I think is safe is Taylor.

yes is a world

2006-04-28T06:54:00.000-07:00

58
e. e. cummings

love is a place
& through this place of
love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places

yes is a world
& in this world of
yes live
(skilfully curled)
all worlds

A Frolf Story

2006-04-25T07:34:00.000-07:00

David and his friends made up a video that I think is hilarious. I don't know how much of the comedy any random viewer would get (or want to get), but I thought I'd put up a link anyway. The quality of the inside shots is pretty poor (they came out on the DVD so I don't know what happened). Be warned, you may find yourself saying things like "Imagine Baby Feeling" and "Yes Sir Daddy".

David plays Steve McDade.

Watch A Frolf Story.

First Fig

2006-04-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

First Fig
Edna St. Vincent Millay

My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night,
But ah my foes and oh my friends
It gives a lovely light.

idol

2006-04-19T15:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, so my predictions have been crap so far. But, if you delay them by one week they seem to work out (okay, that one time I said Bucky would go and then the next week he left). So, even though I didn't even see him sing, I'm going to say that Ace is gone tonight. Kellie will be in the Bottom 3, but I'm don't think anyone else deserves to be. It's a toss up between Paris and Elliott, I think.