Friday, September 19, 2008
regrets
On a triplet forum, someone asked what regrets people had about the first year. Thre's not much point in dwelling on regrets, but for someone who hasn't gone through it yet, I think it's a great thing to talk about. Here's what I wrote.

We took our first video of the babies at six weeks (and I don't have any video of me when I was pregnant - lots of photos, but nothing captures that kind of thing like video would) We have plenty of video from then on, but we were just too much in a fog to even think about it. I wish we had more photos of them individually in the first few weeks. I also regret not having more pictures of me with the babies and with all three. I worried too much about whether or not I'd taken a shower and looked alright. One of my favorite photos now is a picture my husband took of me holding two of the babies when they were probably three weeks old. I look exhausted in it. Right after that he took another one and told me to smile. In the second one, I look happier, but the first one was the reality of what we were living.

In the early months, I would've asked for more help. There were a lot of people at my church who were willing to help. I got a list of names and phone numbers and I didn't call. I needed the help and they were willing to help, but everything was just so hard. If I did that again, I'd ask a friend to be a go-between and have THEM call.

I have regret about not breastfeeding longer (we made it to six months). I think if I had been pumping, we could've made it a little longer, but I think if I found myself in the same place it would probably go the same. Because I just had too darn much on my plate and something had to give.

What I don't regret is keeping a blog. I only wrote in it once a month to update on their progress, but that's twelve entries that mean the world to me now.

I don't regret getting cleaning services to clean my house. I don't regret letting my babies cry so that they could get on an awesome schedule (although it was really hard at the time). I don't regret letting lots (and I mean TONS) of stuff slide so I could just spend time with my babies. I don't regret choosing to go to the gym almost every day instead of getting more of that stuff done. I don't regret getting babysitters (after the babies go to bed, usually) so that my husband and I could go out with my two older daughters. They needed it and we did too (we still do).

There's so much more to be thankful for than to regret.
posted by lochan | link
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Tuesday, September 09, 2008
one year



One year ago. I just keep thinking about it today. It's amazing. We've had an amazing, wonderful year. Busy and hard, but fun and happy, too. The hardest part about having triplets isn't taking care of the babies. Although some days the idea of one more bottle or one more diaper just seems like too much, most of the time being with them is actually a good time. The hard part is finding time to do anything else.

The babies are actually easier than I imagined they would be - just because I couldn't really imagine it! It just didn't seem possible to care for three babies. But it is.

This morning we gave the babies their bottles and breakfast as usual. But, for breakfast they had cinnamon rolls, eggs, and chocolate milk (with 1/2 whole milk). Only Drake really seemed to get much of the milk. All three loved the cinnamon rolls - although Drake and Jack seemed the most into them.

They went down for their usual morning nap and I went to the gym. I ran four miles in 37 minutes (a personal best since the babies were born) and the whole time I just thought about where I was last year. And that whole run was easier than trying to turn over when I was pregnant with them or getting out of bed after they were born. Going through that rough physical time has made me so thankful for my body and what it can do.

I came back home and looked at the blog posts I'd started for each of the babies and I had planned to write more, but I heard the babies waking up and figured it was more important to get them up than get the posts just right. There's more I could say about each baby, but I think what I wrote is enough.

Then, the babies had small bottles and lunch. Little noodles and carrots and apples and cheese and crackers they could feed themselves and I fed them yogurt with peaches and sang "The wheels on the bus". I changed them (diapers and clothes) and took them for a walk in the stroller. We came home and played for a half an hour or so. The three of them played together in the funnest, most interactive way I have seen yet. They were literally chasing each other around and laughing. I loved it.

Then, it was time to go down for a nap and I took a little longer to rub their backs and sing to them than usual.

I can still hear someone making some little noises, but no one is unhappy or crying. They won't remember this day, but I just want to make it a fun day for them. A good day. Because it's a very good day. One of the best I'll ever know.
posted by lochan | link
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Jack
























Jack,
You came into this world a little guy, our littlest. You were the only one to spend time in the NICU and for the first nine days of your life I only got to see you once a day. That was hard. You were little and fragile and we worried about you and we missed you. You looked like a worried little old man when we brought you home. You quickly started to chunk up and now you are just the sweetest, biggest, cutest, most gorgeous baby.

Today you are a year old and in the last year you have learned to roll, crawl, stand alone and feed yourself. You say mama, dada, and nonono. You love to finish off Drake and Britta's bottles. You love to grab for the dog. When we put to bed you stand at the crib until we come over and then you dive for your blanket and put your back to us so we'll rub your back. When we do, you giggle.

You weighed 5 lbs 3 oz when you were born and you were 4 lbs 14 oz when you left the hospital. Now you weigh 26 pounds. You went from being the littlest to the biggest.

You are the sweetest, happiest guy. You have an easy smile and an awesome laugh. We couldn't imagine a world without you. We love you, Jack.
posted by lochan | link
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Drake
























Drake,
At 6 pounds, you were our biggest baby and from the beginning you were our best sleeper. The first night that you slept in my room, I held you and Britta on my chest and your tiny little hand held my finger. those early weeks when I was so sleep deprived I could hardly see straight, you were my big guy, my rock that slept the most and cried the least.

As you got older, you never stopped sleeping well, but you did become the one to cry the most and need the most attention. As much as I love the other babies for being easy, I love you for needing me. I just love you all as you are.

Today you are a year old and in the last year you have learned to roll, crawl, stand holding on to something and feed yourself. When it's time to go to bed, you hold your blanket and giraffe and quietly play until you fall asleep.

You weighed 6 lbs when you were born and now you weigh 25 pounds. You have an awesome smile and a deep laugh and a funny gruff little way of talking to yourself.

You are such a sweet and loveable baby. We couldn't imagine a world without you. We love you, Drake.
posted by lochan | link
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Britta


























Britta,
Before you were born, we were either going to name you Elsa or Britta. As soon as I saw you, I knew that you were a Britta. You seemed fragile and bird-like and Britta just fit. When we first brought you home, you would suddenly shriek and then stop. You loved to sleep on your stomach and you loved to sleep on us.

You were the first to crawl and the first to stand and the first to start feeding yourself. You were the first to go to your own crib.

Today you are a year old and in the last year you have learned to roll, scootch, crawl, stand alone and feed yourself. My favorite thing is when you crawl into my lap. You say mama and dada, but I don't know if you know what that means. You have the easiest smile and lately you have started wrinkling your nose when you smile. You don't show much interest in your bottle anymore, but you love to feed yourself.

You weighed 5 lbs 8 oz when you were born and you were under 5 lbs when you left the hospital. Now you weigh 20 pounds. Even though you are the littlest, you do seem like the oldest. Not just all your awesome physical skills, but the way you look and act. You are a wise little thing.

You are such a sweet, funny girl. You smile all the time. Almost the only time you ever cry is when it's bedtime. We couldn't imagine a world without you. We love you, Britta.
posted by lochan | link
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Tuesday, September 02, 2008
crazy love

Yesterday morning I woke up thinking about this past year. Usually I can feel really grateful for everything and just focus on the positives but yesterday I just kept thinking about how incredibly busy and hard this year has been. It has just been so stressful. Having multiples is something that you can't describe for someone else, it's not something that you can explain or convey. I can't put into words just how relentless the work is. How tiring it is. Thinking about just how hard it is has been made me a little amazed that my marriage is still intact, my older kids are happy and don't resent the babies or me, my business is still viable, the babies are normal, healthy babies, and I am okay, too.

We watched Jon & Kate + 8 last night and it was a very touching episode. They went back to the NICU and talked about their memories of the pregnancy and the time with six newborns. At one point, Kate was crying when she was thinking about their last time as a family of four and how simple things were. I was crying, too. I only have an inkling of what they went through, but I do understand a very small part of it in a way that I couldn't have before I had the babies. Once their babies came, nothing was simple again. Nothing will be simple again. For them it's magnified so much more, by the sheer number of their babies and by being in the public eye.

You give up a lot when you bring three babies home. Your life changes irreversibly. Not being able to care for each of your babies the way you want to, not being able to give them everything you were able to give your other babies. Ever feeling like you are caught up or even close to caught up. Finding time to do the littlest things. There's a craziness to the whole thing.

But, thankfully, mixed up in all that craziness is so much love and gratitude. Because for as hard as it is, each of them is infinitely worth it. Even when you give more than you thought you had, you still get back more than you give.
posted by lochan | link
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Name: Laura

I have five kids including triplets. I'm too busy to blog, but I do anyway (uh, sometimes).

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